HAPPY NEW YEARS, PHILADELPHIA!!

By

Harry Jackendoff

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

© 2006                                837 Melrose Ave

                                      Trenton, NJ 08629

484-919-5677 


Scene 1.        INT: Duffy’s Pub

CD-Jukebox titles being flipped, close enough to notice the bands are nearly all Irish.  Stops on Metallica cover, and we see a hand put in a dollar.

Chuck

If there’s one thing I can’t stand is you guys arguing!

Music is Metallica’s version of [Jug o’ Punch, Irish Rover?]  Just as music starts pan back to Chuck looking at two leather-jacketed truckers having a very heated argument/discussion in sign language.  A tall thin kid in the 20’s is watching intently and occasionally throws his hand in to make a few comments.

chuck

(yelling over music) Will you guys TONE IT DOWN!!

Zoom in on deaf trio.  On closer inspection it appears that at least one of the two truckers is actually a dyke, possibly both. We also notice that they keep looking at the bartender, Billie.  The angry and animated discussion in sign goes on in the background…  Despite the angry and contorted faces of the “speakers”(often resembling Buddhist dragon faces), the scene is Feliniesque, likening rapid American Sign to Balinesian hand-ballet over Heavy Metal.

chuck

Turns to bartender.

Looks like they’re talking about you, Billie.  He’s your kid, Billie – what the hell are they saying?

billie

Those two are just arguing politics.  Bobby’s defending the band’s decision to dump me as captain ….because I’m still behind the Easter Accords.

Zoom in on the trio

Chuck O.s.

Your own son!

billie O.S.

He takes after his namesake, God Bless’m.  It upsets me more than losing captain.

chuck o.s.

It’s been in your family for how long? 

Bobby knows he can’t take it over and he’s bitter, that’s all.

billie o.s.

That’s what Maggie just said.  I thought you can’t read sign?

Pan back to Chuck and Billie, with the trio in the background between them.

Chuck

So what else is she saying?

billie

That the mummers can’t become political.  That we don’t live in Belfast.  A lot of things that make me want to side with Bobby.  Let’m vote me out if I’m loyal.

chuck

You’re not a Loyalist!

billie

(gives Chuck the finger for even saying the word “loyalist” in the bar)

chuck

The band ain’t ALL Irish, you know.

billie

But they all drink HERE and this is a democratic faction of the party.  Let them get their problems out in the band and not here!  I want their contributions. (points to the Northern Irish Aid Society poster behind the bar)

Pan to the front door, Pat walks in.

chuck

Speakn’ o’the devil !

pat

Hey guys – Pat Jr’s coming in next week.

billie

That’s great, Pat!  Baghdad’s no place for a good Irish boy!---

I wish MY son could be as patriotic! (points to the trio)

pat

(embarrassed) Shit, I didn’t mean anything Billie!  I swear…

chuck

He’s only joking.  Bobby’s siding with you against his dad to run the band.

As they look towards Bobby, he signs his dad for three more Guinness’s.  Billie starts them up.

Pat

Oh, that’s it!  I guess I’m still sorry

billie

Don’t be.  I wanted to congratulate you Pat.  You’re the first Bennigan captain in sixty-five years to run the Derby’s…  Made your pop and granddad proud, may they rest in peace!

pat

O’Reilly’s had it long enough.  Since World War II. 

billie

Aaand don’t forget from 1904 to 1929!

Bobby is strolling over to the bar to get the Guinnesses.

pat

Don’t rub it in!

Billie carries them down to the end of the bar for his son.

billie

(Over his shoulder) So are they flying him in through Atlanta?

Scene 2.        INT: Duffy’s Pub.

Hands strumming a hand-held Irish drum-head with “Guinness Stout” still legible on it. Irish electric bagpipes and fiddle are playing. A drummer is poised at his trap-set. Beyond him we see old Guinness posters and street-signs in Celtic on scratched wooden walls. 

The drummer begins an ancient war-tattoo on his trap-set-turned-tom-tom, and we zoom to half-century-old IRA posters of hunger strikes, Bobby Sands and Irish flags bearing machine-guns, plastered in every nook and cranny of the pub, then out into the bar.

It’s early evening in February, patrons wearing winter coats. City workers still wearing construction snow boots.  Two or three couples are seated over scratched and lacquered butcher-block tables. 

Making a full circle of the bar, and looking at the band we see Danny, the drummer playing the traps wildly, is a handsome athletic guy in his late-forties, military haircut, laughing as he drums and bumping asses with the other drummer playing Celtic drums.  The rest of the band is about the same age, picturesque well-aged hippies.

The drumming is still going as we move in on Billie, the bartender, a big stocky guy with a P-cap and a cigar stub in his mouth. To the far end of the bar, a dozen or so men are standing and seated on high stools.

Beyond Billie, past a long line of glistening amber bottles, is WILLY, a tough mustachio’d fellow in a black leather jacket, a bandana around his head, and a white ponytail.  He is at the corner seat in front of the door.

The drumming finally stops and electric bagpipes take over.

welder NO.1 O.S.               

(American accent)

I don’t care what! They don’t have any business in Ireland anymore – drop the time-table to getting’m the fuck out! NOW.

Billie unlocks a drawer and begins wrapping up bills from the previous night. He is intent on the talk.

Bobby - O.S.

strong brogue)

The Good Friday. . .             

WELDER NO.1 - O.S.

Fuck the Good Fri..

WILLY has a kitchen timer next to his beer.  He grabs his timer as it begins to go off.

bobby, (CONT.) – O.s.

Agreement..

WELDER NO.2 - O.S.

(heavy brogue)

(disgusted) Fukn Sin Fein signed it, too

Willy fans out a collection of cards (lottery tickets) and thoughtfully chooses one.

DAVEY - O.S.

(heavy brogue)

Y’won’t be bad-mouthing the IRA in here!

Billie goes on unperturbed with his counting & banding bills. 

Billie

(no accent)

He said it, fellas, not me!

WILLY begins meticulously scratching the lottery ticket. His excitement grows.

WELDER NO.1 - O.S.

. . . .‘Like I’d turn my back on the IRA?  Come on, you guys!

A tall thin young man enters the door wearing a p-cap like Billie’s, pulled low over his eyes.  He makes ASL sign-language gestures to Billie (“Hey dad, got my darts?”) and walks off-camera. Signing is mute and not sub-titled.

Willy’s face drops as he finishes his lottery ticket.

Billie signs ASL, without speaking: [“What are you drinking?”]

WELDER NO.1 - O.S., (CONT.)

I got no patience with the fukn’ Brits and their R.U.C. toads

Seen from Willy’s end of the bar, Billie pulls open a drawer with a cigarbox, from which he takes some darts, then puts them at the far end of the bar, and signs: [“Half for the band”], where his son picks them up, and signs back: [“I’ll take a Guinness”].  We can just see DAVEY, a local plumber in his overalls.

Davey

(mocking)

Ah, The Royal Ulster Constabulary o’ Greater Britain!

Cut back to other end of bar

Willy takes out several rubber-banded stacks of losing tickets, for different games, and adds the losing ticket to the proper pile

Chuck, O.S.

IRA’s in agreement wi’ you for 60 years, bro!

WELDER NO.2 - O.S.

My sister lost her nephew at Drumcree.  The damn Parade Committees!

Willy carefully replaces the packets in his vest.

davie, O.S.

Where?

WELDER NO.2 - O.S.

Drumcree, Portadown on the Ballybay! Belfast! ‘97

Willy downs his beer.  Billie is already there to replace the empty glass. As he does so, Willy lights up a cigarette.

davie, O.s.

I heard’ja. My cousin lives by there, he’s an electrician. . .   Didn’t know anybody died in 97.

The drums stop and the band shifts to a reel on electric fiddle & penny-whistles.

Pat Jr., O.S.

What I can’t figure is, here I’m fighting alongside the Brits, and. . .

Billie finishes with his bills and turns to face the speaker, at the bar.

Billie’s POV.  

PAT JR., is a young G.I. on leave with a bowl haircut and a green rayon baseball jacket , “GREEN DERBIES” embroidered across it.

A well-dressed girl in her late-thirties, raven-black hair in a Prince Valiant cut, comes in the door.  JULIE waves at Billie as she starts towards the closest man at the corner.

Julie

Bobby, my man!

O’Rourke, O.S.

Hey babe! 

Two dirty ship’s welders are separated by several seats from Pat Jr. These are WELDER NO.1 and WELDER NO.2.  Next to them is CHUCK, an educated-looking fellow in his late 50’s with horned-rimmed spectacles (he’s actually a meat-cutter) with the newspaper stretched out in front of him.  Bobby O’Rourke is a lanky and craggy tough, in his late 20’s.

Julie, Welder simultaneously:

welder NO.2

Who the HELL fights alongside the damn Brits!? Better get the fuck OUT of anyplace I’m in!

Julie

Hey Chuckie! (hugging Chuck but looking at Pat, Jr. next to him)

Pat, dad got your parts.

Billie

The kid is the son of the man who would rather be holding a Tommie-gun in Ireland. . . .

. . . .than a sax in my band. . . . . . and half the band would, too. 

Pat, JR.

(to Julie, oblivious of Welder No.2’s comments)

Where the hell did Pop-Pop get a mirror motor for the truck?!

Chuck and Welder No.2 simultaneously

Chuck

(still looking at his paper)

Which is why it’s Pat’s band, now, eh Billie?

Welder No.2

I was just sayin’. . . .

O’ROURKE

We don’t talk about “the Troubles” in here.

Julie has already broken away and is on her way down to her regular seat at the other end of the bar, facing the band.

Julie & Welder No.2 simultaneously:

Julie

(Yelling over the music) The junk-yard found it. You shoulda tried Passayunk.

welder No.2

I’ll shut up.

 

Without announcing anything, members of the band stop playing in the middle of the song, and walk over to see Julie. 

Chuck

(folding over a page)

It’s the old problem of proving it’s the Protestants who are the terrorists, and not us, right?

The fiddle player joins Julie at the bar, while the bagpiper walks behind the bar and draws taps for the three of them.

One of the seated couples gets up to put a buck in the juke-box.

O’ROURKE

Ya just told the man we don’t talk about that in here

Welder No.1

As long as the Brits are in Northern Ireland, they’ll make sure we’re blamed for everything. (louder) and as long as the Brits are America’s best friend, the world’s gonna think the I.R.A. is responsible for every bomb and murder in Ireland!

Billie

You’d better finish your drink, pal!

Pan to Julie and the band packing up. Johnnie Cash is now on the jukebox.

Welder No.1, (Cont.)

..and no one’s ever heard of the U.V.F., or all their assassinations knowing the Brits’ll cover their fukn assholes

Billie

Get out. 

WELDER NO.1, (CONT.)

(in Billie’s face) or the U.F.F. (getting louder with each protestant organization he remembers, as if each has done his family a personal injury) or the Order of the Orange or U.D.A.

Billie starts out from around the bar, down past Julie

WELDER NO.1 - O.S.

or the R.U.C. or FUCK, We’re outta here@!.

Welder No.2 turns to Welder No.1

Chuck moves his stool back to give Welder No.1 room to leave, but accidentally knocks his elbow, knocking Welder NO.1’s drink onto his pants. 

Welder No.1 straight-arms Chuck, whose newspaper flies onto the bar as he responds with a poorly-placed upper-cut to the chest.

Pat Jr. grabs Chuck as WELDER NO.1 pulls his punch, Welder NO.2 has him by the shoulder.  Billie is nearly up to them.

Both welders make their exit past, PAT, an athletic fellow in business casuals in his mid-forties coming in the door. He is carrying several cardboard tubes.

Pat stops a moment at the door to warm up. He’s wearing an identical baseball jacket to Pat Jr’s.

davey, o.s.

Pat!

Pat, jr., O.S.

Hey dad.

Pat

I’ve got our final designs guys!

Pat hands one to Pat Jr. Everyone except Willy drops what they were doing to follow Pat to an open section of the bar near Julie, which isn’t big enough.

pat

Here’y go, sis.

Julie

Over here, Pat

Julie grabs two of the tubes and with the fiddle-player unrolls the designs under empty pint glasses and ashtrays.  Pat opens his anyway on the bar for Billie.  Pat Jr. is holding his open against the wall. 

We see several versions of fancy green feathered mummers’ costumes.  Everyone is quickly checking the costume designs out, with exclamations – “not bad,” “I like this one,” “needs something, like maybe. . . ”

 

Billie is happily puffing away at his cigar over them. 

The bagpiper is serving the couple from the juke-box at the bar.

Billie

I think pink’s your color, Pat.  Sure you can carry all those feathers?

Julie

Put out your cigar, Billie, it’s day-glo peach.

Chuck

Which one do you like,Pat?

Billie

(smiling & puffing)

You just missed two ardent supporters, of yours Pat.  With them in the band you woulda been President of Northern Aid as well!

Davie

Shaddap Billie. 

Billie

Thanks to me!

Pat

Glad I missed’m.  Whadda ya think of these for the altos and tenors?

 

At the door, a handsome very polished-looking Italian in his late-thirties enters, it is ROMEO.

Chuck, O.s.

Whatever can beat out Bosco’s

Romeo

(to Willy)

Hiya, Rick!

 

Romeo sidles up behind the group, un-noticed

Chuck, (Cont.)

They’re doing a Vegas theme.

Pat, Jr

Gino told me Bosco’s was doing Miami Vice

Romeo

I think it’s Carribean

Chuck

(turning to see who said this)

Carribean!?

Billie

Goddam, if it ain’t Mr. Bosco himself! He should know!  What brings you here?

 

As Billie embraces Romeo, everyone turns to see the captain of the rival Bosco String Band, as Pat Jr. and Julie hurredly roll up the drawings.

Romeo hugs each of the guys in turn, shakes Pat Jr.’s hand vigorously, and Billie heads back behind the bar. 

Pat Jr.

Next week.  I’ve been back a month.

Romeo

See the parade?

Pat Jr.

No. Couldn’t get a flight home for New Years.  Congratulations on the cup, Romeo!  That’s 4 years now, ain’t it?

DAVIE

Come on, what’s your theme this year Slick?

Romeo

(to Pat Jr) Yep. Thanks, kid.  Shame about the flight

(to Pat Sr.)

Pat - I already paid-off your designers.  I didn’t come here to sneak a peek, you can unroll them designs if you want.

Billie

What’ll ya have, Slick?  We haven’t had that drink to your divorce yet!!

Romeo takes a seat at the bar behind the group, but looks back at Julie.

Romeo

To divorces!

Billie

How’d you see our designs before we did? I think that counts as an infraction.

Romeo

Sure. My gram takes the fabric orders at Cohen’s on 4th Street.

To Divorces!  I heard Julie just got split from Channel 10 Sports.

Billie

SO THAT’S why you’re in here!  Channel 6 News told you, eh?

To a new customer

What’ll ya have?

Customer

pint a Yuengling, Billie

Romeo

Yeh. . .  I’ll never be able to ditch Channel 6, will I?

 

Davie and Chuck bring their drinks down the bar, next to Romeo.  Billie draws a Guinness for Pat as well.

DAVIE

We’re going to beat you this year.

o’rourke

Green Derby is going to take Best Band, you watch

Shot takes in the men’s room door, where we see someone try the door and it’s locked, so they wait.

Pat

(to Billie) he hasn’t seen these. 

(to Romeo) Cohen’s hasn’t gotten’m yet..and besides taking first stringband we’re gonna get Best Captain, cause you ain’t got this Irish mug to beat out anymore (pointing to Billie).

The last guy in the men’s room exits, and Romeo takes notice. . .  mostly of Julie, who is at a table with the fiddle-player across from the Men’s Room door.

Romeo,(Cont.)

On that note,which o’ you Derby captain’s gonna pay homage to Bosco on April One?

. . .   s’cusa, I really just came in to take a piss. . . 

Romeo gets up to go to the Men’s Room

Chuck

Billie, ‘dja hear Kensington’s added two accordions and three banjos?

Pat

Really?  

Romeo stops next to Julie, and shakes her hand, saying something.  The drum player, Danny, has just finished putting away the trap-set. He excitedly greets Romeo.  Willy shuffles by them and takes the men’s room.  Door closes.

Scene 3.        EXT: Winter, night:  Diner on Oregon Ave 

Archetypical 1950’s silver diner in the middle of a wide city street.  Dirty snowbanks around a filled parking lot.  We see a car drive up and park. Julie gets out.

Scene 4.        INT: Oregon Diner

Romeo is at the counter facing the door when Julie comes in.  Romeo gets up and points out a free booth.  He takes her coat and hangs it up.  The table at the booth has ketchup, Worchester sauce, an ashtray, and a bowl of munchies (peanuts, pretzel-nibs, etc).

Romeo

Glad you came.  I’ve been waiting for this date since Philly Catholic.

Julie

Aww.

She sits.

Me too.

Romeo

Danny told me you guys split up.

Julie

Don’t ask why and I won’t ask you.

Julie lights up a cigarette

Romeo

I feel like I’m in high school.

Julie

That was almost twenty years ago, Slick.

Romeo

How long were you and Johnnie married?

Julie

We’re still married.

Julie is nervous, flicks her cigarette into the ashtray.

Romeo

I mean. . .

Julie

Sixteen years.

Romeo

Same as us.  Seventeen years.

Romeo is not at ease, suddenly finding himself with his dream date from high school.  He fumbles for a munchy, not taking his eyes off Julie.

Romeo, (Cont.)

Your cousin told me to come by tonite, I’d catch you at Billie’s.

Julie

Danny?  Where do you know Danny?

Julie flicks her ash somewhere in the middle of the table.  Like her and Romeo, we don’t see where. 

Romeo

I sellm his meats every week.

Julie

Of course.  His restaurant is awesome

Romeo

We should go.  I’ve never been there.  I had to see you

Julie

Slick, it’s only been two weeks since John and I split.  If anybody sees us together, they’ll think..

Romeo

Sure, I shoulda been more thoughtful.  I’m sorry.  I just couldn’t wait

Romeo reaches for another munchie.

Julie flicks another ash.. in the same vicinity of the table.

Julie

You know that damn sportscaster will get away scott-free if he can prove we’ve been seeing each other? 

Romeo

You mean he was cheating on you?

Julie

Fourth time.  That was it.

This time we see her flick her ash in the munchy bowl.

Romeo

And you’ve been good, naturally..

Julie

(falters..) . . .  almost.  Yes!  I got a little flirty back in September.  But it wasn’t anything.

Romeo takes another munchy without looking

Romeo

OK.  So we’d better not be seen together.  I don’t need open season for lawyers either.

Julie

You assume we’re going to be seeing each other?

Romeo

I just figured..  (getting nervous, trying to remember)

Julie

Why didn’t you ask me to the prom?

Romeo

(off the hook)  The prom. Jeez. . . yeh. All the guys were telling me you were hot for me, but you were going with Jimmie G.  Who the fuck was I back then?

He reaches for a munchy.

Julie

I never stopped being hot for you, Slick.

She flicks her ash on his peanuts.  He puts it in his mouth and gags, spits it out.

Julie, (Cont.)

Ohmygod!  Ohymygod!  I’m sorry!  I wasn’t

The waitress has just come to take their order

Romeo

(laughing) We don’t have to order, let’s go!

Scene 5.        EXT: Oregon Diner Parking lot. 

We see Romeo and Julie leaving with their arms around each other, laughing.

Julie

So where do we go?  Now that all of South Philly has seen us leave like this?

They are wandering around looking for their cars in the dark, not sure which car they’re looking for, not wanting to get into the same car, or split up yet.

Romeo

Oh, I dunno.  It doesn’t matter. I wanted to say something to your brother about finally becoming Derbies’ captain.  It’s super

Julie

I keep saying Dad and PopPop shoulda been here!

Romeo

They’re drinking together, don’t worry

Julie

Billie’s family has been captain since, like 1926.

They start walking down Oregon hand in hand

Romeo

That’s how Bosco’s was – back to 1914 with the Cuneo bunch ‘til my dad took over.

Julie

We had this town feud back in Ireland – the O’Rileys are from [village1 in Ulster], they took it from the Bennigans in [village2 in Ulster].  That’s where my grandfather came from.  Now [village2 in Ulster]’s got it back!

Romeo

Well, it couldn’t be a better man than Pat to take it back.  One of the best banjo players I’ve ever heard..

He turns her around like he wants to kiss her

Julie

Outside of Billie (pushing him away) Hey. You never told me how you guys split!?

Romeo

(his cue for a story he’s told the world) One day Sandy handed me an ad for couples contemplating divorce.  So I call up this therapist and make the appointment, and we go and work out the divorce. When we’re leaving Sandy asks me where I got the therapist’s name, and I said it was her who’d gave it to me.  It turns out she was giving me an obit for a cop I knew. . .  on the other side of the ad!  Anyway, the therapist was so good, we went ahead with the divorce.

Julie breaks up laughing, on cue. . .  and they embrace.

Julie

So you don’t really have a legal problem?

Romeo

Hold that thought, and gimme a kiss.

They kiss.

Scene 6.        INT: Pat’s Basement Apartment.

Shot of Julie picking up toys in corner of kitchen as she is taking things from dishwasher in her kitchen

Julie

All this STUFF!  My God, where does it all come from?

We see feet walk by and hear someone descending steps and knocking before opening door.

It is Romeo. 

Romeo

(somewhat embarrassed) You left your vest . . .   (looks around)

This ain’t a bad setup.

Julie

You should have called me.  I could’ve gotten it at your shop.

Romeo

I got here through the back.  I haven’t been here since 6th grade.  Your brother’s done a good job. 

Julie

He fixed it all up after dad died, then he and Judy moved in.  Lil’Pat was just born.

Romeo

So that’s gotta be 18 years?

Julie

Yeh, just about.  

I can’t believe your kids are 10 and 12?  (she points at the junk around)  It’s nothing like this 8 yr old’s mess!

A weird yell and a heavy thumping on the floor above them.  They rush upstairs to find Pat on the floor.

Scene 7.        INT: Pat’s Livingroom/Den. 

Pat is trying to get himself up.  He’s dizzy and confused.  We hear footsteps rushing up steps.

Julie (muffled)

Pat! What was that?  Was that You?

From behind him, Pat’s POV, from the floor, Julie and Romeo tumble up the stairs

Pat

Slick!  Whatthehell you here?  Seein’ my sister!?   Finally? 

Julie

Are you OK?  What happened?

Pat

I was just going to the fridge and, like, my feet missed!  It was the strangest fuckn thing! 

Pat Jr. comes running into the kitchen, wet, wearing a robe

Pat, jr

Dad, everything OK?

Pat

Yeh.  I’m Ok. 

I was just sayin’ it was like I’d forgotten how to walk. . .  I don’t know. I just didn’t put my feet out far enough . . .  they weren’t there . . . and I fell over!  Strangest fuckn’ feeling.  Like both my legs were asleep. Scared the shit outta me!

Romeo

Scares me, too.  Let Pat take you to the hospital, getta checkup.

Pat is bracing himself up on a chair but is finding he’s a bit wobbly.

Pat

No way.

Julie

Sit down, just sit

Romeo

Are you dizzy?

 

pat

It was just weird, that’s all.  I’ll be OK 

He starts to get up, then decides better of it and sits down, pretending everything’s OK.

Pat

I didn’t think I saw you two leave Billie’s together. 

Pat jr

(winks to Julie) Weren’t you with Denis Higgins?

Romeo

We met by accident at the Oregon,. . .

Pat

. . . and you turnin’ up here this morning, sure.  T’Change the subject, have you guys got your theme yet?

Romeo

I really came by last night to congratulate you.  This is historical –

Pat

Thanks, Romeo.  It’s a real complement.  So?

Pat gets up and starts to take a step, feels that he can’t really control his foot, then sits back down.

Pat, (Cont.)

(his eyes start bugging, like he’s getting the tingles)  WHOAH  . . . OHH,  whoooooooah!   WOWW!! (heaves a sigh of relief) My leg just went to sleep, that’s all. 

Everyone is laughing, knowing the feeling, and obviously relieved.

Romeo

I’ll be honest, Pat, these guys are so stuck in their ways!  Every damn year.  We almost did Vegas again, like 1996.

(whispers)..Your ears only..  I pulled off a big one – we’re doing the Healthcare system: nurses, doctors, with a big insurance float. . .  for a gag!

Julie

You’re pullin our fukn legs!

Romeo

(winking) I musta already pulled Pat’s! 

You didn’t hear it from me!

Romeo starts to leave the way he came.

Listen, Pat.. take care of yourself.  I’m serious about getting yourself in for a checkup.  Have Judy take you to St. Joe’s when she gets home.

I gotta get to the shop.  See ya both. (kisses Julie on the cheek)

Romeo exits

Pat

See ya’ Moose!

So what’s up, sis?

Julie

(rolls her eyes) . . .  I’m . . .  not. . .  too. . .  sure, for now.  (sighs) You know Slick. . . .

pat jr.

Why’d you call Romeo Moose?

Pat

He used hair mousse in first grade, but he was too cool for Bullwinkle, so we changed it to ‘Slick.’

Scene 8.        EXT: Phila. Airport Departures Terminal. 

Pat is pulling a dufflebag from the trunk as Pat Jr. is kissing his mom goodbye. 

pAT

You remember, if you run into any Brits, you let’m know you’re an Irishman from Belfast.  An’ tell every one of ‘em what you think !

Pat Jr.

Dad, there aren’t any Brits in Boquba

Pat

You just let the fukn’ Brits know where you stand, y’hear me ?!

pat jr.

We’re fighting the insurgents, not the British, dad. . . .and I’m NOT from Belfast. . .

 Judy

Pat, say goodbye to your son.

Pat and Pat Jr. embrace.  Pat Jr. picks up his dufflebag.

Pat

Bye dad!  Bye mom!  See ya at Christmas!

He walks through the revolving doors.  Judy’s got tears in her eyes.  Pat holds back his tears and gets in the car and slams the door.

Scene 9.        INT: Green Derbies Clubhouse.

Pat’s wife, Judy and several other ladies are analyzing the proposed costume designs for costs and problems.

helen

I think we can salvage some green sequins from this year’s costumes.

Patsy

The hoods should be a lot lighter than that Indian headdress.  Did you hear that Julie and Romeo are seeing each other?

JUDY

Julie wouldn’t!

helen

With John on Channel 10 and his ex-wife on Channel 6 News, ---they’re already calling it “Romeo and Juliet” of the Evening News!

JUDY

I can’t believe she’s being so stupid! Wait ‘til she comes in here!!

patsy

That’s funny!!  I mean, they really ARE Romeo and Julie!!  That’s REALLY funny..

Pat is tuning several banjos. Danny enters and walks over to Pat, picking up some drum sticks, and announcing his entrance with a quick riff (also reminding us he is the drummer from the opening of the film).

Pat

Hey cousin, what brings you in here? Aren’t you at the restaurant?

Danny

We were out of filet mignons, so I thought I’d stop by and catch you.

Pat puts back the banjo in the case

Danny, (Cont.)

Pat, I want you to listen to this new march I’ve got for the band. . . .

Pat takes the drum sticks from Danny, turns to the glockenspiel.

Pat

That new rendition of “Danny-Boy” is great - and we’re playing it,

Pat knocks out a melodious rendition of “Danny Boy’s” opening

but not any of Danny-Boy’s music. . .  don’t you get it?

Pat runs the sticks down the glockenspiel to accentuate his point, and goes back to business, checking his inventory of sax reeds on the shelf, one box which he opens and starts holding up to the light as they continue talking.  One of the band members, an awkward gangly high schooler, Jeff, opens up a bass sax and begin squonking a bit on it..

Danny

I can’t talk to you, Pat. I can’t. Why won’t you listen to this march of mine?  Romeo wants it, but I don’t want Bosco’s to have it.

Pat

Here I ask you again nicely and you refuse me again. We’re a stringband and not a pop band.  We don’t compose new tunes – that’s that. Let Bosco’s break the tradition and see where it goes!

Danny

So you’re a CAPTAIN now with your nose in the air. Defending 1922 traditions. Like a fukn asshole, Pat

Pat

Who’s talking like an ass-hole, Danny?  Loosen up.

Danny makes picks up an alto sax and turns its neck upside down, good-naturedly, as he goes to leave

Danny

Up yours, Pat.

Pat

Aw go loosen your nuts with a WENCH!

The gangly sax player makes an odd bleep and starts giggling.  Danny, still holding the sax, can’t punch Pat, and instead plays him a riff of disdain and storms out.

Pat

(turning to the bass sax player) Here, you could use a new reed, Jeff.

Pat is handing him a reed, but Jeff instead passes the sax to Pat.

JEFF

You adjust it, I can never tell the difference.  Wow, I never knew Danny played sax!  Why isn’t he in the Derbies?

Pat

He went to private music school as a kid. . .  he’s a snob.  I don’t know.

Pat plays a quick riff

JEFF

(chuckles) I gotta remember that line about nuts and wenches, that was good..

Pat

Don’t you tell your parents where you heard it. . .  but the best damned musician in South Phila is President of the Buccaneer Wench Brigade!  NOW THERE’s the definition of an Ass-hole!

Jeff thinks a moment, then gets it and begins giggling uncontrollably.

As other members of Green Derbies band are coming in, the women are leaving, and Judy calls to Pat, who starts over to the center of the room. 

JUDY

Pat, I’ve got a roast in for dinner, so I want you HOME tonite.

pat

Why’d you make a roast.  It’s just you and ME! 

JUDY

Pat.  He’s got his duty to do.  That doesn’t mean you stop liking roasts.

Pat

Ohh Judy.. what’ll I do with you?

JUDY

He’ll be OK, Pat.  He’ll be back for Christmas. . .  he’ll be in the parade, like you said! 

Judy exits. About half of the band are in their seats and tuning up. Pat puts his music on the conductor’s stand.

Scene 10.   EXT: Manayunk, winter. 

Julie and Romeo are meeting for romantic dinner in a distant neighborhood resembling old Ireland, with hilly, wet cobblestoned streets, elevated railway, tall-spired churches etc.  

Julie

(lighting a cigarette) Isn’t it amazing this is the same city? 

Romeo

Yeh.  Which means that people can recognize us here just as well as in South Philly.

Julie

Isn’t it amazing that my cousin Danny has been buying meats from you for six years and you’ve never been here?

Romeo

Amazing

julie

Isn’t it. . .

romeo

        . . . .I can’t imagine..

JULiE

Amazing  !!      that we’re finally together?

Romeo

Amazing  !!  that you’re here with me?

Romeo, (Cont.)

Yes.  You can say that again.

JULiE

Amazing  !! 

Romeo

Amazing  !! 

She puts out her cigarette and they embrace before going into the restaurant.

Scene 11.   INT: Green Derbies Clubhouse. 

Band in the middle of playing “When You Wore a Tulip”

PAt

Hold it right there.  Take it from..from let’s see, 4 after D, with the banjos.

Pan to all the odd faces and shapes of old men and gawky miss-placed boys and dumpy blue-collar stay-at-home momma’s boys and some tough teamsters and dock-workers a few business leader types playing saxes and banjos.  Billie is on banjo in the corner.

Scene 12.   INT: Danny’S Manayunk Restaurant. 

Wealthy suburban professionals, the white-haired epitome of society, one or two young beautiful college couples on dates.  Romeo and Julie are at table.  Danny is walking in, wearing the same clothes we saw him in at the Derbies.  He see them and comes over as their waiter confirms their order

Waiter

So that’ll be balsamic on the side?  Is that correct?

Romeo

Another Amontillado for the lady.

WAITER

Coming right up!

Danny

(to Julie) Aren’t you supposed to be at Derbies practice on Tuesdays? 

Julie

I know all the Irish tunes backwards, Danny.  We’re just getting ready for St.Paddy’s in Trenton next week.

Excuse me, a moment.

Julie exits to the lady’s room.

Romeo

Your wenches don’t have many chances to strut outside of New Years – you should gown up and march with us on Saturday, it’d be a gas

Danny

Bosco’s is marching in Trenton, too?

Romeo

5th year for us.

Danny

Listen, Romeo.  About that march tune of mine, I’ve got my drumbeat scored into it – now that you know where I am, how bout stopping by and help me get the arrangements right, I’ve got a piano in the lounge upstairs.

Romeo

I’ll see if I can break away one afternoon.  There’s plenty of time ‘til New Years you know.

Scene 13.   INT: Green Derbies Clubhouse

The band is playing a new rendition of “Danny Boy” with the glockenspiel chorus that Pat had played. 

pat

Hold it.  Jean, show Denis how to finger that double octave.

JEAN

What octave, where?

Pat

Where the tenors jump from a low A to the high C

JEAN

I don’t think we have that, Pat

Pat

Aw,. . .  lemme show him.

Pat is suddenly unsure on his feet, and stumbles into the first row of players as he tries to get back to Denis.

Billie

Whatthe fuck is wrong, Pat!  You been tastin’ the Dew already??

 Pat

(confused) Lemme just have a seat.

(Hands Billie the score)  Here, Bill. Danny’s got it marked pretty well.  I gotta sit.

voice (offscreen)

Pat Jr went back to Iraq yesterday.

Billie takes over conducting.

Scene 14.   EXT: Green Derbies Clubhouse. 

Men are coming out the door.  Billie standing at the door talking. Pat and several others push past him and go directly to the building next door, which we see is the IRISH SOCIETY of PHILADELPHIA.  Billie huffs off.

Scene 15.   INT: Duffy’s Pub. 

Billie comes in the front door.  Crazy Willy is at his regular corner bar seat.

Billie’s POV. We see “Channel 6 News” behind a beautiful brunette newscaster named Sandy Santaniello (Romeo’s wife).

Newscaster

Today Baghdad was shaken with 3 simultaneous terrorist bombings, claiming over 20 civilian casualties. Four U.S. marines were killed when their truck ran off a bridge in the northern town of. . .

Channel switch

ANNOUNCER

. . . today’s match the Flyers third with the Rangers this season.

Shot to Billie’s hand on the TV and video controls, pointed at the TV.  Billie is puffing away, rather angrily. A young lady reaches over the bar with a CD.

SHELLY

Here Billie, put this in. 

Billie forces himself to brighten up and puts the disk in the player.

Billie

What’shu got for us, tonight Shelly?  It couldn’t be any better than the poolroom ad, now could it?

shelly

I worked late all last week at the agency. . .  you’ll love it!

announcer

A dummy pharmaceutical ad that is a cross between feminine skin-lotion and chocolate candy-bar crunching to cure “dry nuts.”  It has a depressing list of side-effects read at double-speed.

As we hear the list of side-effects we hear & see Willy’s timer go off.  WILLY goes into his ritual- scratching off a card,a sip between each scratch..rubber-banding it up with a pile of same games, a cigarette and another drink. The patron next watches intently.  Side-effects are still being rattled off, with occasional hoots from Chuck and Billie.  Next to him is Shelly, and then Chuck who has put his newspaper down to watch the ad.

PatRON

Name’s Brian.

WILLY

Gerry.  Glad to meet you.

PatRON

Short for Jerrold?

Clapping, hooting.

Billie

That was super!

WILLY

Nope.

 

shelly

Thanks.  I tried to get on her legs to change color with the list of side effects

PatRON

You Italian?  Genaro? I had an uncle Jerry his name was. . .

 

chuck

Naw, watching that bulge grow . . .  no, you couldn’ta done better

Billie

(still laughing ..cough, cough) Shelly, you outdid yourself

 

WILLY

Geronimo.  My folks are Shackamaxon Shawnees.  We sell mustangs.

Everyone goes silent, hearing this.

Patron

You’re pulling my leg, man.  You know you’re always in that seat, man!. . .  every time I come in!

Shelly

He’s what you call an habitué

WILLY

I’m no habitué, I’m a son of a bitchueh!

Chuck

(looking back down at his paper)  That was a set up if I ever heard one!

Willy winks at her

SHELLY

I swear I never  . . . !

patRon

Y’ever win much?

WILLY

Win some.

Willy gets up to go to the men’s room, as he passes Chuck, who is turning folding over a page of the paper,

Chuck

Willy, don’t you think you been seeing too much of the Men’s Room?

WILLY

Quit bustin’ on me. 

When I start envying people with a catheter, then I’m peeing too much!

This is my exercise!    

chuck

(not looking up from his paper) Gym’s cheaper

willy

Let me enjoy myself

Willy walks on

SHelly

Half of what Willy wins he donates to the Green Derbies.  Billie serves him free.

patron

For half of what he wins! Shit. That’s some cheap fukn beer.

WILLY’s voice

(singing) The Mens’ Room’s free, and it’s calling to me,

 

Door slams.  From inside the Men’s Room and we hear Willy extra loud

Willy’s voice

 “Take a rest in the best room, Do your best in the restroom! To be Blessed in the blestroom!”

Billie

(to Shelly)  I’m putting that on during the Flyers’ game tonite, Shelly.  You got a winner.

patron

He told me his name’s ‘Jerry’

chuck

(not looking up from his paper) He tells everybody that don’t know him some new name.

Willy, coming back to the bar overhears and winks again

willie

Romeo still thinks my name is ‘Rick’

DAVIE

How much you win this week, Willy?

WILLY

Green Derby’s getting two hundred.

Chuck

(pretending he’s getting up to go the Men’s Room) I think Ahhhl be getting’ blessed in the rest room!

willy

Want to know where I get the holy water?

Pat enters with Davie and Bobby.  Pat is walking a bit cockeyed.

Billie

Need another one, Pat? 

pat

Fuck off, Billie!  I just came in to thank you for taking over tonite.

Billie

No problem.  We all know it bothers you sendin Pat Junior back over, but don’t drink before practice if you’re taking my job. 

pat

I’m not drinking, Billie. I got a pinched nerve or something. My equilibrium is fucked-up. My legs keep going to sleep or somethin

davie

There’s no liquor on his breath. I took a testimonial at the lodge.  He swore on a nip a’ Jameson that he warren’t drinkin’ none

chuck

Maybe you should get your ears checked

Willy

‘Ya got M.S., man.

Davie

He promised he’s going to the doctors tomorrow. Have that nerve looked into.

pat

Give me a double Powers, neat, Billie.  

Billie

You better be OK for St. Paddy’s next week . . . .

Oh yeh, but stick around for the first ad in the Flyers’ game tonite!

willy

My grandpop had M.S.  Acted just like that. . .

Billie

You wanna pay for your own beer?

Scene 16.   EXT: Day. Delaware Bridge, Trenton

Aerial of two schoolbuses filled with dressed mummers crossing the bridge with the “TRENTON MAKES THE WORLD TAKES” sign. The gold dome of the state capitol is in the background.

Scene 17.   EXT: Trenton street.late morning 

Green balloons against the sky.  Little kids being sold balloons by vendors festooned with clovers and green derbies.  Bagpipers in every color kilt walking around tuning/playing. 

Two school buses pull around a corner and are motioned into a parking place by a cop.  Green Derby members start piling out, passing instruments and head-dresses out the windows.  We see Julie helping her 8 yr old son Tommy off the bus.  He’s in full mummer’s dress.

Romeo jogs across the street, with his kids behind him – Jimmy (10) and Rick (12).  They are also in full sequined outfits.

Tommy

Rickie, Jimmy!! Hurry up ya gotta see this!

The kids take off around the bus.

romeo

Julie, you guys are the last band here.

Tommy races the boys to the back of the bus where, through the side window two of the high school band members are mooning the street.

Older guys spill out of back door and are putting on costumes.  One with a mask on takes off his pants in the middle of traffic to put on his tights . . . a carload of black girls is stopped at the light and staring at his underwear.  He pulls up his tights and shakes it for them.  He turns and sticks his head in front of their window

Band member

What yor’ mom make Ya gotta shake. 

The balloon vendor in the distance is handing a balloon to a mom, and a whole bundle get away from him. We follow them into the sky.

Scene 18.   EXT: Trenton street.early afternoon. Saint Patty’s Day Parade.

Bagpipe music and a float for the Northern Irish Aid Society with signs to remember the martyrs and correct English injustice etc.,

Pat’s band follows, led by Pat, strutting, with Julie’s son Tommy strutting in front.  We also see that Julie is one of the few female band members.

Several quick shots of highschool bands, twirlers, floats from local bars, pipers, and Romeo’s band, with his kids in costume, Jimmy strutting with his dad, and Ricky playing banjo.

Several fancy division members are strutting along with Romeo’s band, as well as two goofily-dressed Irish miners in drag with big boots on (these are the traditional mummer “wenches.”)

Scene 19.   EXT: Parking lot below US 95, Phila.  Early Evening.

Buses are parked under the Docks and the band members are busy unloading them onto two big industrial carts, one of which is already being wheeled across the street.  One of Pat Jr.’s friends gets a call on his cellphone from Pat Jr.

friend

Pat! It’s Iraq!  Pat’s on the line!

Pat is strapping up a string bass, and starts to run over to take the call, but his leg turns in and his ankle turns out and he lets out a yell and falls. 

Bobby, Friend

Um. Your dad just fell over.  I’ll have him..

Julie

Here, let me talk to him, Bobby.  (grabs the phone)

Pat.  It’s that same thing that happened that day last month. 

Several band members are helping Pat up, but he appears to have twisted his ankle, so they set him on his feet gingerly.  He ends up sitting on the cart with the string bass, and they wheel him off.

We’re trying to get him to go for a check up. . . . Maybe when you talk to him he’ll listen to you, OK?  No .. no. . .  everything else seems fine.  He just loses his balance . . .  he says it’s a pinched nerve . . . alright. . . . Can you get to a phone in about an hour? . . . .  Oh, I forgot what time it was..alright.  Try tomorrow, OK?  Want to talk to Bobby again?  Bye!

They wheel Pat off with the instruments up the street.

Scene 20.   EXT: Second Street, Phila. Early afternoon April 1.

Cop-cars parked on the corner. Cops standing cross-armed in the middle of the street, a mixed group of city kids playing basketball at the old Jr. High behind them. Pan to the Irish American Club and Bosco’s NYSE club building [Fralinger’s in reality], with doors open and everyone standing outside holding beers. . . . 

Several Afro-American neighbors in and out of the club with beers in hand attest to the fact that this is not segregated white culture, but simply working class white cultural institution.

There is pop music playing for the party on a loud-speaker and we see a D-J up on the ‘judges’ stand adjusting a mike. On the cross-street is a giant kids’ “moon-walk” and parents are unpacking coolers with sandwiches. The sound of string-bands is faint, and as we pan down “2–street” from the bleachers in front of the club, and as far as you can see the bands are lining up.  We see signs for Kensington, Fralingers, the Polish-American String Band, Duffy’s . . . .(all the real names of stringbands in Phila.)and zoom in on faces of real people, kids, old-timers.  The sidewalks are filled with their families and a few pretzel vendors.

D-J on Microphone

And next in line to serenade this year’s winners will be those venerable men in green, led by captain Billie O’Riley. . . oh, oh.. that is NOT Billie waving me. . .    I am sorry Pat – by their new captain THIS YEAR, Pat Bennigan! Take it away, Pat, for the GREEN DERBIES!!!

As the band plays in front of the bleachers, with Julie’s son Tommy and Pat strutting in front.  Pat’s strut is slightly spasdic, but not that noticeably, since Tommy is imitating him.  Romeo is at the front of the bleachers with a gaggle of Bosco members brandishing beers.

Romeo’s kids come out and strut with Julie’s son like they’re best cousins. 

Several people from both bands seem to take notice, leaning over to make a comment to each other, someone actually pointing.

Strutting around one of Romeo’s boys, Pat suddenly loses his balance, falling against Bosco’s bass drum under the judge’s stand. Some of the band stops, others keep playing.

Romeo helps him up as Julie rushes over with her sax in hand.  Billie take a place at the head of the band to keep it going.  Despite his effort, the music stops.

julie

(yelling over the general commotion) Teach Bosco to put their instruments away!  I bet him!  When I saw it there, I bet him he wouldn’t take a drop onto your drum!  Damn you brudd, you did it!

romeo

Pat. . .  bro!  You OK?!

pat

(dazed, trying to get up, while motioning to the band)

Keep playing you ass-holes! Yeh, I did it!  You owe me, Julie!

Julie, get back in the band!!

Bosco band-member is under his arm with Romeo on the other, Pat shakes them off.

pat

Get the fuck outta here, lemme up!

romeo

Too many free drinks, Pat?  All of you damn Irish know how to put’m down!

Pat staggers slowly back to take Billie’s place, though he cannot strut, but just leads them slowly around the corner.  His walk is now clearly that of someone with MS, but people think it’s from drink and toast him happily. Someone hands him a beer. 

microphone

Let’s hear it for the Green Derbies! Led by a slightly tipsy Captain Pat Bennigan!  Keep up the good work, Pat, and I’ll drink to that !!

The kids have all but deserted at the commotion and are tasting beers themselves.  Several wenches are strutting around the crowd, one carrying a sign for we can’t read.  One is Danny, who pats one of Romeo’s kids on the head, and approaches Romeo.  He opens his cell-phone/PDA and points to it.  Romeo motions “OK”, pulls out his cellphone and enters something into it.  Another band is warming up behind them.

MICROPHONE

And bringing up the rear, let’s hear a round of applause for members of the Buccaneer Wenches, paying homage to our Best Stringband for four years running – Bosco’s Captain Romeo ‘Slick’ Santaniello !! 

Scene 21.   INT: Duffy’s Pub

Pan through the pub listening to traditional Irish banjo, fiddle, and accordion.  Bar-owner Billie is playing banjo and singing IRA songs.  Moving over his shoulder, we enter a back room with dart-boards and meeting tables.  Pat is there with Davie, Shelly, McGowen, Bobby O’Rourke, Tommy T. 

davie

Sinn Fein’s gonna be here in force, then!  Gerry Adams givin a speech at the university. . .  ‘at’s ‘ard to believe. 

mcgowen

I still say we should have new posters made.  We keep saying “Remember this” and “Remember that” and nobody point’s the finger at the goddam protestant gangs, free to do whatever they goddam please at our expense.

davie

I think our posters are fine

pat

How many do we have?

tommy t.

Twelve or thirteen, and two 2-man banners.

pat

That should be enough, don’t you think?

mcgowen

Always plan as if you’re getting national coverage, that’s what old man Ginty always said.

shelly

What do the posters say on ‘em?

Pat

(to MCGOWEN) You’ve got a point, Mick, but in front of all that media we gotta put all our support behind Sinn Fein, whether we back’m or not at home.

davie

I still don’t want to trust nobody.

o’rourke

Tommy T.

I’ll clean up those posters and bringm’ to the club this week.

MCGOWEN

I say we need at least ONE with a tommy-gun on it, sayin’ “URF Assassins use British Courts for Defense!”

That’d make the evening news!

shelly

(starting to sketch something at lightening speed). . .  orange letters on pastel green . . . this [the gun] is bright green.

pat

Yeh, I like that.

But Billie’s the one set the whole thing up. We can’t be too disruptive, y’know. . .  the least we can do is pass it by him.  And if he’s against it, we do it anyway (winks to Shelly).

Pat gets and heads back towards Billie, walking with a cane.

davie

Wh’Ya got a cane, for?

pat

It’s that sprain naggin the shit outta me.

Scene 22.   EXT: Spring. Santaniello’s Meats, 9th Street Italian Markets

Fruit boxes burning in oilcans on the corners.  Undressed deer and rabbits hanging from tin and beams overhanging sidewalks. Live poultry in boxed cages, Beef and lamb carcasses in windows.  A stocky lady with muscles bulging, tatoos and dirty construction boots is looking at the poultry, then turns around wearing a T-shirt for "Structured Logic Systems."  As we turn with her, we see traffic backed-up on the narrow 9th Street market.  A white van is there with the back open.

Danny is rapidly exiting, wheeling out the order for his restaurant on a small cart with Romeo’s help. 

Danny

No, no, I’m perfectly happy with that cut. . .   Any thinner and I’d want to add more to the presentation.  It’s worth two bucks extra a plate.

romeo

Alright, you convinced me.  Waltham Hotel’s asked us for it, so we coulda done it for you easy enough now. 

They throw several large bags in the back of Danny’s van, double-parked.

danny

No no, forget it.  Your cuts are top notch. . .  it’s how your dad did it, anyway.

romeo

(Yelling) Listen, Danny. . .  I’m gonna have to call it for this week.  How about next Tuesday?

Danny running around to the hop in the driver’s side.

danny

Fine.  You know your way (slams door and guns it)

Romeo turns to go back in, and his old meatcutter, Antonio, is standing at the door. 

antonio

That’sa Julietta’s cousin! I canna never get over those kids.  He buys a best ‘a cuts, no kidding.

She’s OK catholic girl, Romeo, but her name’s Julietta.  It could bring bad luck.  I don’t know of anudder Romeo and Juliet for a cupple hundred years (he laughs)

romeo

Hey Antonio, that Romeo and Juliet never woulda had that dead-ending if they’d talked to each other.  It’s all about poor communications.

We go inside the store with them.

antonio

You kidding.

romeo

You know she only took a potion to make her look dead, and she was going to wake up and escape with him.  If he’d known that he wouldn’t have killed himself when he found her looking dead.  When she wakes up and finds him dead she really kills herself.  That’s the tragedy.

antonio

That’sa tragedy, f’shoo..

Scene 23.   INT: Mandolfi’s Dairies.  Pat’s work

Stainless steel, white tile, glass and steam, we see cheese being packaged.  Pat is a quality control inspector. He is checking the calibration settings on the controller of a piece of equipment.

pat

Do you remember if Siemens was here calibrating in March or May?  I can’t make out this guy’s handwriting.

worker

Beats me.  You might have to check the visitor logs, cause I can’t think of. . .

pat

Aw (hell. . . )

Pat straightens up, but loses his support and falls.

pat, (Cont.)

. . . ..DAMN!!!

We see him take a fall and his head bounces off the edge of a motor casing.

worker

Wh???  (starts running around the process line to get to Pat)

Scene 24.   INT:  Office, Philadelphia City Hall

Julie works in a 19th century oak and paper-cluttered office at City Hall.  We are following her out into the hall as the phone rings in the office behind her.

secretary

Ms. Cave?  She just stepped out. Uh.. uh.  Couldn’t contact his wife?  Her brother.. OK, OK  hold on!

Scene 25.   INT:  Corridor, Philadelphia City Hall

Carved stone, old walnut in the echoing shadows.  Running after Julie with her handbag in hand.   

secretary

(running after Julie)  Ms Cave!  Ms Cave!

We see Julie pulling open a bronzed door (to the stairwell)

secretary (voice)

Ms Cave! I caught you. . .  You need to go down to Mandolphi’s on Packard. 

julie

What?!

secretary

Your brother needs to go to the hospital. . . . It waren’t bad enough for 911, or a ambulance. . . but he took a fall and needs a lift.  They couldn’t get your sister-in-law.  Here, I brought your bag.  I’ll take that down to Stephens for you.

Julie

Thanks a million, Henrietta.

Scene 26.   INT: Santaniello’s Meats

Romeo with bloody sides of beef hanging behind him. Phone rings.

romeo

Hi?  Yeh,  yeh, I’ll meet you at St. Christophers.  

No problem.   Half hour?

Scene 27.   EXT: Spring.Gino’s/Pat’s Steaks Phila 

Outside Gino’s Steaks & Pat’s Steaks/ South Philadelphia’s most famous corner.  Pat, Romeo and Julie are sitting at one of the two or three outside tables.  Pat is unwrapping his cheesesteak with gusto, Julie is fidgeting with a cigarette.

pat

Just like when we were kids!  Man, I don’ know why we stopped coming here!

romeo

(dejected) No, I don’t know. 

Romeo reaches towards Julie’s cigarette.

Julie, lemme have a drag.

Julie gives him the cigarette and takes out another.

julie

Keep it.

Pat, come on. You know what it’s been like, Pat!  We’ve been on you for months now, and this is the first time you’ve been to the doctor’s?

pat

I can’t eat this.

He wraps it up and give it to Romeo

pat, (Cont.)

Here, it’s a good steak

romeo

Never touch the stuff

[silence]

pat

(his mind wandering). . . .. Whah?  You a vegetarian too?  Shit, I never woulda. . .

He looks up at Romeo, and laughs

pat, (Cont.)

You fukn joker!  Imagine the owner of Santaniello’s Meats a vegetarian!!

romeo

How long has it been since you had that first fall?  The day after you brought the designs into Duffy’s??

julie

It’s been 112 days.

Romeo and Pat give her a look of surprise.

pat

What a romantic gal my sister is!!

julie

I know you want to change the subject Pat, but the doctor said it looks like MS.  The tests wlll tell.  Just pray it’s not something worse, like Lou Gehrig’s disease!

pat

Aw FUCK! Aw FUCK!

He throws the wrapped sandwich into the park across the street, and starts to stamp his feet. . .  but he finds he can’t really get a good angry stamp off without losing his balance.  Julie and Romeo steady him.

Julie

Let’s get you back home.

They help him to the car, and Romeo helps him into the seat as Julie gets in to drive.  Pat stops Romeo before getting in.

pat

But the band, whattabout the band? I’m the CAPTAIN now. . .  whattabout the band??

romeo

I don’t know, Pat.  I can’t tell you anything.

Romeo closes the door and Julie pulls out.

Aerial pull-away from the moving car to the famous Philly steak-shop signs, to South Philly, to all of Center City (with South Broad in center screen and the Delaware River cutting down the right, and the Schuylkill on the left. We re-descend between an elevated section of Rte 95 and an urban school on Two Street, to a row-house at the end of a short alleyway.

Scene 28.   INT: Pat’s kitchen, several week’s later.

Pat and his wife, JUDY.  He doesn’t want to give up captain.

Pat is sitting precariously on the edge of a kitchen chair with a pile of magazines and literature on MS brought from the meeting.  He throws what he is reading in some random direction, and scatters the rest on the floor

Pat:

I’ve lost it, Judy.  I don’t want to face this.  I can read all those stories about how everybody’s coped, and made new lives, and found new meaning and all that crap!

I want to be bitter as shit. Take pleasure in making people feel guilty for not being turned into an invalid!

JUDY

It’s not Lou Gehrig’s Disease. You’re not gonna degenerate in two years and die. . .  You don’t have AIDS!

Pat

Aw fuck!@  It’s just M.S.!  I’m one of a couple hundred thousands a year diagnosed with something that entirely screws up their lives and everyone else’s around them. 

I’m as common as a pidgeon!  And our lives are going to be pidgeon-shit!

JUDY

No they won’t. I won’t let it!

Pat

Why couldn’t it’a been Diabetes?  Everyody and their uncle has diabetes and it doesn’t rip your life up.  You can live with it.

JUDY

Remember, your dad used to go into insulin shock on the job.  He coulda been killed plenty of times.

Pat

That was years ago. Don’t change the subject!  I’m gonna lose my job!

JUDY

Pat, Mandolfi’sll give you a break. You can face this, really. It’s mind over matter – like all those articles say.

Pat

It works when you’ve got a mind.  I ain’t got much left.  If I had will-power I could bring the old mind back.

I can’t seem to focus for shit. . . .

If you ain’t got will, there’s nothing left to hope for.  All ya’ got is faith.

JUDY

There you go!

Pat

Well, I ain’t one for miracles, and I’m going to need a miracle just to keep on focus. 

If I can’t focus, I got no will, I got no mind, and I ain’t got nothin’ over matter.  I can’t face the Derbies. . .  and I can’t think about practice tonite!!

JUDY

(crying) Well there!

If you need a miracle to focus, there’ll be a miracle!  Sayin’ the word ‘faith’ is the hardest part.  There’ll be a miracle. . . 

We’ll get you that will-power, and a sense of humor, too.  So you’ll have a mind to put over all that’s the matter. . . . How’s that sound?

Pat

Damn you, Judy! Maybe I got some faith left in me.

(they embrace) Lemme go face them mugs one more night. 

Scene 29.   INT: Green Derbies Clubhouse

The room is full of tuning up and squawks.  Pat enters with a cane.

pat

OK! Ok!  Let’s get down to business.

He pulls a folding chair over.  From Pat’s POV you see instruments on laps below music stands. However, this is simply the transition to an argument between a bunch of old instruments, with the tension in the fingers, the keys, and their human voicings.

sax 1 (JEAN’s voice)

Are you going to be able to stay on that chair?

SAX 2 (Davie’s voice)

Shaddap Jean

Pat

Are you assholes going to be able to play “[song title]“ up to speed tonite?

Take out.  “[song title]” 

banjo (Billie)

Jean’s got a point, Pat.  If you keep dizzying out on us,

Shot of one of the young kids staring blankly at the wall. We follow his stare to a blank wall, and then next to it, to an ld picture of the Derbies in 1920.

Billie’s voice, (Cont.)

we’re not getting the job done. I’m serious.

pat’s voice

Listen up, Billie.  You know damn well what this means to me. . .  my dad and my grandfather, may they rest in peace.  I ain’t going to give this back to the O’Riley’s that easy!

sax 1 (JEAN)

Maybe we should hold another vote.

sax 2 (davie)

(playful-like) Shaddap, Jean

sax 1 (JEAN)

Shaddap yourself, I’m not playing around

Pat

How about we leave it with the Bennigans, and my sister Julie takes the helm

bass sax (Bobby O’Rourke, visible)

Fuck the Bennigans and the O’Riley’s!  We’re the Green Derbies!

Sax 1 (jean)

don’t mind my political correctness, but I ain’t havin no woman captain,

pat

Wait a. . .

Accordian (tommy t., visible)

It wouldn’t look right with no other women in the band, Pat

sax 1 (JEan, visible)

‘specially not one hooked up with Boscos.  (at Julie) Why don’tcha go play down the street wi’ your Romeo !?

sax 4 (julie’s cleavage)

Well you little muther. . .  I oughtta ram this sax up your . . .

pat

Sis Watch your mouth!

Billie

Hey, hey.. I didn’t want to start something.  I was just . . . .

bass sax (Bobby O’Rourke)

Get the fuck out Jean, until you can calm down!

julie, (Cont.)

. . .  (pause) Pat, you can’t let them talk to you like this after all you’ve done for them!

Julie puts Sax 4 into its case and slams it shut, then starts out, pushing her way past Banjo 1 (Billie) in the front row.

Pat

Julie, I want you to take the baton for dad!

julie

Yeh, yeh. . .  I forgot.

She looks at Billie, who nods yes. . . .at which point Jean packs up Sax 1 and walks out.  Everyone heaves a collective sigh of relief, and takes out their music.  A few more squawks are heard, and we see a few more shots of tarnished brass.

julie ((Cont.))

OK.   Let’s take it from the top, “[song title]“

song

Scene 30.   INT: Mandolfi’s Diary. Aisle alongside mfg area.

Robert

Pat, how’s it going?  I heard the Derbies are going to beat out Bosco this year!

pat

(shakes his head) For once, I don’t want to talk about the Derbies.

robert

Come on out, and join me on my break. smoke.  You don’t have to smoke to take some fresh air. . .

pat

I’m walkin kinda slow, Rob, you don’t have to tie yourself up

robert

No, no bother.  Take your time.  Pamela in Finance told me about the MS.  I’m real sorry.

pat

I hope old man Mandolfi is as sorry.  This is happening mighty fast. . .  I’m not anxious to collect disability

robert

It was fast.  I mean, I never knew it hit somebody so sudden like this. . . . Although I didn’t know anything about MS before you.

pat

Come on, Rob, you don’t haveta’ wait for me.  I got work. . .

rob

I can tell. 

You should take up smoking, gives you an excuse.

As Robert holds some double doors open for Pat.

pat

Look, I figured you came down this side of the plant just to catch me, so I got to do you the pleasure.  Besides, I need the exercise.

Scene 31.   EXT: Smoker’s Kiosk in the parking lot of Mandolfi’s Dairy, late spring

Robert

Makes you wonder why there ain’t mummers bands at half-time, doesn’t it?

pat

What we got is something special. . .  but this is Philly . . .  when were you at State?

robert

‘76, and half of Two-street was drinking behind the bleachers at games. . .  we coulda been doin’ a strut.

pat

Can you picture fancies out there at half-time? the sound of a string band full o’ saxes and banjos, there’s something American!

robert

Hey, ain’t that Tommy T. sprayin’ the bushes over there?. . . 

Hey Tommy!!

pat

Hey Tommy, when did

you start sprayin’ bushes?  You been sprayin brick walls and concrete most of the time I knew ya.

Tommy looks up, nods, and walks across the side lawns to the kiosk.

pat (to Robert)

Ya know where them bushes are growing by the docks?  80 Proof Duffy’s.

robert

. . .  y’know, if high school had mummers at half-time, we could send the girls to Home-ec and teach’m to sew again!

Tommy T.!  Whatchu been up to?

tommy t.

Not much.  Haven’t seen much o’ you Robert.  How’s Fralingers?

robert

Fine! I was asking Pat about Derbies, but he’s pretty close-mouth.

tommy t.

They’ve been pushing him to give back captain to Billie.  (to Pat) You know I never woulda said this, Pat, but I was the first to nominate you back in September.  We can’t go on like this.

pat

Damn it, Tommie, don’t talk about it.

tommy t.

Look man, Julie can NOT take your place for your dad’s sake.  You got this disease, but that doesn’t let you be an ass-hole. 

pat

Tommy,  shit. . . .

robert

Pat, when Junior comes back the club will give it to him.

Your family will..

tommy t.

There you go.  Fralingers said it!

 

pat

. . . Shit.  I know. . . .

tommy t.

I didn’t want to say it.  Look. If ya’ want, I’ll talk to Billie when he gets back from Belfast.  

I gotta finish up the wing.  I’ll see ya tonite, OK?

Pat

Take care, Tommy

robert

Take it easy, man!

Scene 32.   INT: Julie’s apartment, that evening

Julie is pulling dishes out of the dishwasher.  There’s a knock on the inside door.

Pat’s voice

Can I come in?

julie

[‘enter’ in Gaelic]!

Pat enters, stumbles, holding onto the door.  He’s really been drinking.

julie

Pat, you’re toasted!  What the fuck’sup?

pat

Me?  Toasted?  No, it’s just I walk funny!!  And can’t sign my name anymore!  And can’t hold a fuckn’ fork without throwing food over my shoulder for good luck!  I’m not toasted.  I’m just fucked!

julie

If you can’t hold a fork, how is it you can still play a sax?  Eh?  Did you think of that?  Did you thank God you can still play music?  Did you thank him that you can still keep time with a goddam baton!  I don’t know how you do, but you oughta thank God!

Pat

No.  And I ain’t gonna thank him!  Cause they want to take the goddam band away from us!  And I ain’t gonna let’m.  I’m not giving in, Julie!  I’m not gonna let them fukn compromising Irish bastard O’Riley’s run the Green Derbies another year!

julie

Pat.  I know what you’re gonna say, . . . .that plenty of bands have women in them. . . but you heard Jean.  And lots of your friends feel like him, it don’t matter I’m your sister

Pat

You’re a goddam good musician, that’s what you are!

julie

So are they!

pat

You ever hear the one about the..

[need a sick or off-color joke here, about a priest or a prostitute, where the punchline is “and THAT’S why I won’t give in.”]

And I second the motion!  I ain’t giving in!

Scene 33.   INT: Duffy’s Pub

Pat is at the bar alongside Chuck, reading his newspaper.  Willie is in his corner seat.  Joe the day bartender is pouring him a drink.  Chuck has just passed Pat a comic to read.  Davie and Billie’s deaf son are further down the bar.  Just then Billie enters from the rear, sees his son and signs:

Billie (signing ASL)

“I see you sit at the bar when I’m away?”

Billie’s SON (signing ASL)

“How was your trip, dad?”

Billie (signing asl)

“Read my lips”

Billie goes to pull the records from alongside the register.

davie

How did Belfast look this week, Billie?

Billie

Everything’s OK.  I had to put up with the Darby gang the whole trip, though.  Those guys never shut up. 

Billie (signing asl)

“went well, got a great deal on our kegs”

 

Pat looks up and is watching Billie and his son sympathetically.

davie

So did you meet with Jerry?

Billie’S SON(SIGNING ASL)

“Did you meet with Jerry?”

 

Billie

Yeh.  It’s like getting a conference with the Pope, now.  I used to just call him and show up.

Billie (Signing asl)

“yep. He thanked us for the twenty grand”

Pat

Billie, it’s good to see you.

Billie

Pat!  It’s GOOD to see you, too. Are you doing alright? [pause] Is the band giving you problems?

pat

Listen, Billie. I ain’t gonna be able to do this.  The band’s fine.  Julie’s the one giving me a hard time. It’s your band.

Billie

Drop it, Pat. You got it in you. You’ll see this thing through. I’ll give you all the support you need! I just couldn’t want to take it from you, man!

Billie’s son sees Pat talking, and signs

Billie’s son (SIGNING ASL)

“What’s Pat saying”

Billie (signing asl)

“I’m taking over the Green Derby.” 

Pat properly interprets Billie’s body language and face, and smiles a knowing smile.

pat

Thanks, Billie.  I appreciate it. . .

 Billie

Pat, We going to see you at the rally, Wednesday?

pat

Wouldn’t miss the old compromisers for the world, Billie!

I’m off work permanent, now, y’know

Billie

Sorry to hear that.  Have One on me.

Billie puts a plastic token down.

Willie’s timer goes off.

Scene 34.   INT. Auditorium, Podium.

Jerry Adams or some other high IRA officer is speaking behind a bank of many microphones.

SPEAKER

. . . .Today there are still 1 in every hundred, 10 in every thousand. . . 

Scene 35.   INT: Auditorium, rear of the stage

Billie is standing with his arms crossed, visibly chewing at his cigar, listening intently.

speaker, (Cont.)

who care for more trouble. . . .

Scene 36.   EXT: City street, sidewalk in front of Auditorium, summer

A panoply of posters, with McGowen holding Shelly’s tommy-gun poster; Romeo and Julie with their three kids are weaving out of the crowd in front of the auditorium to stand in front of one of several food wagons.

romeo

You guys want dogs?  Soda?

To the side there is a newscaster  listening to his cues, waiting for his spot.  We can’t see the camera, which is between the news van and the food wagon.  His eyes light up mischievously as they recognize Romeo (knowing Romeo from Channel 6 office parties). He purposefully puts a an IRA sign-carrier between them.

Scene 37.   TV screen

Sandy santaniello, News ANCHOR

Micky, can you tell us something about what’s going on at the university?

MICKY, the newscaster

Thank you, Sandy.  As you can see, the local Irish are out in force today in front of the university auditorium where IRA leader, Gerry Adams is speaking. 

Scene 38.   City Street, “roach-coach”

romeo

Two hot-dogs and kraut, cheese-steak with fries and a tuna hoagie. Five drinks. 

Julie suddenly notices the “Channel 6 Action News” truck behind the food wagon, rummages through her purse for money, and puts $25 on the counter

julie

Lemme pay,. . .  we gotta run.  Forgot the food!

Trying to pull the kids and Romeo away as Micky steps out, and directly over to Romeo.

Scene 39.   TV screen

micky, the newscaster

Excuse me, I take it one of you are Irish?

romeo

(smiling with a mild look of “OK, Micky, so the joke’s on me”)  Uhhhyes, my friend here..

micky, the newscaster

Could you first introduce yourself, and then tell us about the reception to  Mr. Adams’ speech so far this afternoon?

julie

(trying not to look extremely peeved) May I introduce Romeo Santaniello, husband of your anchor, Sandy.  I’m Julie Anthony, wife of ABC Sportscaster Johnnie Anthony, and, and now I’d be happy to tell you . . . .

Cut back to the anchor person, Sandy Santaniello, with her name below her.

SANDY Santaniello

Thank you Mickey, for picking out my husband, live, at the University Auditorium, where Sinn Fein leader, Gerry Adams is speaking this afternoon to the faculty and students, and specially invited guests from Philadelphia’s Irish community.

They say that a cat has nine lives; well this cat, in Lower Merion today,

Surprised its owners..

Chuck

(turning down the volume on the remote) That has to beat all!

WILLY

(cackling) Somebody’s neck is gonna go!

DAVIE

Holy tobacco!

chuck

I wouldn’t want to be that Mickey!

davie

Dju see Julie’s face?!  That was priceless!!

willy

I wouldn’t want to have Romeo’s neck right now, either

Scene 40.   INT: Auditorium, rear of the stage

Billie is still standing with his arms crossed, visibly chewing at his cigar, still listening, but eyes lowered, thinking about other things.

speaker, (Offstage)

. . . but it is with all of us, here with each of our neighbors, that make our communities what they are.  And when we let something break among us, it stays broken. Think.  When my father tells me something his grandfather told him – it is two hundred years!  Mending takes as many.  We’d do better never breaking,..but these were brought on by outside events which were not of any of our choosing. . . ..

Scene 41.   INT: Duffy’s Pub. 

Billie is at the end of the bar opposite Willy with a group of the regulars (Davie,Tommy T., McGowen, Bobby O’Rourke, Shelly,Bobby,Jean) is gathered around Chuck’s newspaper, looking at the paper’s coverage of the previous day’s incident with Channel 6 News.  The “By the Ould Glen Side” is playing on the jukebox.

Tommy t.

. . . Sandy is really taking the hit, ain’t she?  I wish’t I wasn’t at the speech to have seen that!

DAVIE

It was something else! out of the blue, NoBODY expected it! And when Julie goes and lays it on Romeo’s ex like that -- live!!

chuck

Julie’s gonna hear that story told til she’s as old as my grandmother

McGowen

.. “Romeo and Juliet put it to the Networks”! 

shelly

I checked at work, today. AP picked it up.  Any bets one of the talkshows plays the clip tonite?

Danny comes in the front, and Billie hails him.

Billie

Danny! C’mere!!

danny

(yelling) It’s my night in Manayunk.  What’s up?

Danny gets to the group

Danny, (CONT.)

I mean besides Romeo and Juliet.

Billie

OK listen up, all you guys.  Danny.  You got that march you been wanting the band to play.

danny

Yeh.

Billie

Out with it.  Are the Bosco’s going to play it!?

danny

Yeh

Billie

Tell Romeo, we want it back.

The Derbies need it.  We’re going to switch our theme so that Pat can stay on as Captain.  We’ve got to do it for him.

jean

What are you talking about, Billie?

Billie

Shuddup, Jean.  You got your way, and nobody backed Julie running us. But now it’s my say, and I’m not going to take it from Pat. He may never see another  parade, and you know it.  So what the fuck if we don’t win, we can do this.

We need Danny’s march for our theme.

tommy t.

Change themes?

Billie

It’s going to be “Happy New Year, Philadelphia - The History of the Mummers Day Parade” 

danny

Alright?  That’s an idea.  I can see that, but?

Billie

Pat can’t walk, but he can still play the shit outta any instrument better than the rest of us.  He’ll have a giant long train, like the fancies had in the 1940’s, and all our kids will be holding it..and our act is to march around and under the damn thing and throw Pat our instruments.  We keep playing and he takes riffs, then the kids pass the instruments back to us as part of the number.  Anyway, Danny – we need your march to hold the old melodies together and make’m upbeat.

danny

I’ll tell Romeo. We’re meeting tonite to walk through my arrangement. . .  He’ll be OK with it, and I don’t have to throw it away on the “Healthcare” gag.

tommy t.

They’re really doing healthcare? 

o’rourke

Billie, it’s August - we got half the costumes started already. . .  you know the club can’t afford to switch themes,. . .  besides. . .

Billie

Costumes are gonna be nuthin. We’ll be in every kind of mummer uniform there’s ever been – we can borrow from the fancies,wenches, you name it…. From all the other clubs. Everyone’ll help out for Pat

shelly

Ferko was doing “Arabian Nights” until 9/11.  They switched in September.

tommy t.

I don’t want to wear anybody’s funky feathers after a year of marching in them!  No way.  We make our own or I march nude!

Willy’s alarm goes off.  We watch him go through the ritual preparations to scratch, and watch his hands scratching as the group continues to talk.

jean

Danny gave you the march.  Table this for an executive meeting, eh?

Danny

(leaving) I gotta take off.  But you ONLY got the march for Pat!

mcgowen

How the hell are we going to raise another ten or fifteen grand, Billie? New hardware for the floats comes to two or three thousand every year..

billie

Design it around what we’ve got

McGowen

Keeping Pat on makes sense,. . .  but I can’t see how, or what the hell you’re talking about. It just don’t make sense..

jean

Listen, Billie. I’m behind you all the way – but this won’t fly with the others

Danny approaches and exits, and the camera watches Willy scratching his last number, to reveal first a BONUS SYMBOL. . .

willy’s voice

O.K.!! a bonus.  Let’s see. . . .

He scratches off the bonus amount to reveal $25,000.  There is a pause, as the camera focuses.

willy’s voice

(reading the rules slowly out loud)  . . . .win the amount printed to the right of the bonus.  That sure looks like. . .

willy, (Cont.)

HHOLY FUCK!!!  WOWOWWWEEE!   We GOT it!!

Willy’s POV. Everyone turns to look at Willy the other end of the bar.

Tommy T.

How much?!

SHELLY

Whatcha got!?

MCGOWEN

Remember the Derbies in your will!

O’ROURkE

How much?

JEAN

Willy gets a jackpot!!

Shot of Willy’s hand shaking, holding a ticket. 

willy’s voice

(jubilant) You guys get Twelve-fifty, you hear that, Billie?

Billie

Willie wins $12.50 in an afternoon! That’s One Thousand Two Hundred and Fifty dollars towards our costumes!  Anybody want to match Willy’s contribution?

willy

(wobbling off his stool, knocking over his beer, breaking the glass)

I mean, the ticket is for TWENTY–FIVE THOUSAND, Billie!  Half of that’s  Twelve Fifty. . . 

chuck

Twelve thousand Five HUNDRED!! 

willy

Yep.  Better be glad I’m a rich Indian, even if I can’t do math!  Shit, I’ll give you twenty for Pat’s sake!

General jubilation breaks out, as everybody rushes to see the ticket.  Willy doesn’t have it.  They find it in the beer and broken glass.

Billie

Put it in the register!! In the register! I’ll call Shannahan for a police escort to the Seven-Eleven!!

Scene 42.   INT: Danny’s RESTAURANT, Entrance

Danny is at the entrance stand, welcoming guests, looking fidgitty and excited. Romeo comes in, equally upset.

danny

Romeo, glad you could make it !

romeo

I was gonna call it off again, but then said fuck it.  Do you believe the bitch’s lawyer calls today and is suing me for defamation?  ME!  I didn’t say a fuckn’ word!

They begin walking into the restaurant.

danny

Doesn’t it make sense?

As they walk through the restaurant, the shot takes in a table of “artsy” gay professionals, among them MICKY,the NEWSCASTER.  They take animated notice of Romeo and Danny together. 

romeo

Sure!  She’ll never live this down on her job. My customers just have a laugh.  Now I gotta get another lawyer. She’s feeling the heat..

danny

I never knew her.

Danny leads Romeo up some side steps, they exit.

Scene 43.   INT: Danny’s Restaurant, unused piano lounge

romeo

She could never take a joke

danny

Listen, Romeo. . . . Anyway, things have changed.

romeo

Whaddaya mean?

danny

Billie wants to change the Derbies’ theme to “The History of the Mummers” so Pat can lead from a wheelchair, playing instruments – he wants the march.

romeo

(softening, relaxed)  Of course!!!  You didn’t refuse’m for me?

danny

No, but I told them I’d have to ask you first.

romeo

Sheeit.  Of course, brother! 

danny

(anxiously sitting at the piano with the sheet music)  Well, it makes it a bit different than I’d planned. . . . But let me run through it anyway.  . . . .I’m really excited!

romeo

What’s Billie thinking? 

Scene 44.   INT: Danny’s restaurant, downstairs

ALAN, a model

Micky-baby, you think you got reamed! Get out the Vaseline for Romeo!

micky

How ‘bout Danny’s

Scene 45.   INT: Danny’s restaurant, upstairs lounge

Danny is already playing bars of the march.

danny

. . . here’s where Pat could take the glockenspiel. . .    play this to . . . .here.

It’s great for the saxes on the off-beat, like. . . ..

Then someone throws him an alto and he introduces this theme. . . .. 

romeo

How bout the bass sax. . .  That’s a fresher transition

Fade out

Scene 46.   INT: Danny’s restaurant, upstairs lounge, twenty minutes later.

Danny plays the last bars. 

danny

That’s it!  I think we got it all.  This is what I needed, Slick. . .   you don’t mind Slick,do you ?  Julie is always calling you Slick.

Danny gets up and they head downstairs.  We follow them down, only to see Micky and his friends at the table below the stairs looking up.  Alan is looking at this watch.

micky

Have we been introduced? 

romeo

What the hell?!?  You again, you mother-fuck. . .

ALAN

(still looking at his watch) I’d say that was a little long for a ‘quickie’ Danny-dear.  Can I come up?

Both Danny and Romeo ‘lose it.’ Romeo goes after Micky and Danny after Alan, who take it as a middle-aged lark, out of a film, running between tables giggling, as Romeo and Danny are running into servers, patrons, etc.  The rest of the table is hurrying to leave.  One of the guys runs over to get their server to handle the bill.

Scene 47.   INT. Fabric store. 

Billie and Pat are fingering polyesters, silks, flag materials.

billie

So that’s how I see it.  We have about two weeks to make a decision if we’re getting that much of this. 

pat

I like the first color. 

Damn, I can’t believe you’re all going through with this!

Scene 48.   4th Street, Phila., Fabric District

View south down 4th, towards church spire in Queen’s Village through several fabric store signs.  Billie and Pat are leaving a store and turn to walk towards us.  We see Pat’s deteriorating condition.

billie

Can you make it down to Famous?

pat

I haven’t been in there since dad took me!

Scene 49.   INT: Famous Delicatessen.

Vintage 1920’s deli, everywhere windows, mirrors, white & black tiles, white window frames separating sections of the restaurant over chestnut walls and edging; there are stainless fridge doors on the far wall, waiters and busboys moving everywhere, the walls are filled with signed & framed pictures of celebrities and politicians from 1930 to present.

From the vestibule through multiple window panes of the front doors, we zoom to Billie and Pat at a table.  A huge pastrami sandwich is being served past his face to the next table.

pat

(taking a whiff, suddenly getting tearful)

Billie, what you’re doing for me is amazing.  (choked up) It’s just wonderful

billie

To make our dads proud

pat

(breaks down)

Scene 50.   INT: Cinder block warehouse-space, building floats/props

Opening shot of buckets and buckets of sequins, pan to  giant glossy joker’s head prop, then down on everyone –wives daughters and men- working, talking, etc..  Pop-music playing in the background.  Women are sewing thousands of sequins onto an ornate train that seems blocks long as they are folding and unfolding it to uncover a new section and check the pattern of sequins.

judy

Things ain’t so good with our Romeo and Juliet. 

patsy

Oh no?! 

Marge

Who’d a thought?

judy

Well that Micky fellow that caught’m on the news was with his gay friends at Danny’s restaurant.

Romeo and Danny were working on the arrangements for our march and they thought they caught them at it!

marge

Well Danny always seemed just a little..

patsy

Of course

helen

But the other Buccaneers aren’t gay, my Tony. . .

judy

I won’t say anything.   Anyway, now Sandy is throwing the book at Romeo, and he’s blaming Julie

marge

There’s nothing she could’ve done when that newsman ..

patsy

Bullshit!  She could’ve kept her big mouth shut and played dumb. Romeo doesn’t deserve any of this shit!

worker

(from a scaffold)  Would you gals quit bad-mouthing our primo Alto sax!

Scene 51.   INT: Green Derbies Club

Opens to a distance shot of Julie helping Pat with the accordion.  When he tries to get up to put his arms through, he loses his support and falls back down. Julie helps him, but she’s seething, and anxiously looks towards a cluster of laughing men, revealing Danny with several Wench costumes, which some band members are trying out.  Julie finally storms over to him.

julie

Danny, you should have known better!

danny

Who’s talking, cousin?

julie

Well, you’ll never guess what Romeo told me last night!

danny

I think I can

julie

No you can’t.  Sandy accused him of being bi- way way back.  Which is exactly why Micky and that Alan character played this up. 

Danny

Well, you can believe me, he’s not!

julie

THAT’s not the issue.  The issue is, that he kept something from me. . .  otherwise, I couldn’t give a flying fuck. 

danny

Why are you on ME?!

Julie

Because NEITHER of you told me!

YOU were working on the march together!  For all I know, and it certainly looks like it now, you WERE having an affair!

danny

(coyly, not taking her seriously) Why Julie!!

julie

Danny, you better come clean on this!  Explain why neither one of you told me that Boscos was doing your march? What was the secret?, eh?

Danny

Aww shit, Jule. . . ..

--Wait a minute! HE and I talked about it at the restaurant that first night you guys were there!  You knew from the git-go!

julie

I never heard a word!

danny

Well, that’s where we discussed it, and he told me to give him a tape.  I gave him one the next time I picked up an order!!

julie

You see each other all the time then!

danny

Every Wednesday and sometimes Sunday mornings.

julie

That’s even worse as far as I’m concerned.  I see Romeo almost every night – and he never mentions you.  He was keeping it from me for some reason, and that means he’ll keep other things secret!

Pat has meanwhile wheeled over.  He’s been listening to his sister’s bitching – which doesn’t seem exceedingly relevant or important anymore.

Pat

Julie, there’s an old saying – I think I heard it from a fellow from Cork. 

‘Ey say Life can be like a screw as it turns. . .  it gets tighter and tighter til you can’t turn it any more.  Then you come to a point. . .  when nothing gives anymore, and something’s gotta strip - So which is it going to be, your head or your threads?

danny

And the punch-line from Cork?

pat

Neither. If ya’ want to keep screwing, you just gotta unscrew your life once in a while!

(Danny and Pat laugh)

julie

And if I don’t wanta keep screwing?

Pat

You got Romeo into a helluva fix right now, and it’s going to cost him. 

Why make it cost you both?

julie

Nice try, brud. (walks out)

Scene 52.   INT: Duffy’s Pub, lunchtime.

Danny is sitting at the bar with 2 drinks. SHELLY is at the jukebox, putting in a buck and punching in a string of numbers.  The day bartender Joe is bringing cases up from the basement, oblivious to their conversation. Shelly turns from the juke-box, to sit down as a plaintive celtic soprano starts singing.

danny

Can’t believe there’s only two months to the parade!  Did you find out anything?

SHELLY

I told you our marketing rep hangs with that crowd.  It took him a couple weeks, but I think he got all the dirt.  She’s not bi-sexual.  But Sandy’s known Alan since grade-school, they went steady from 7th grade on, and since then she’s always been around gays.

danny

And of course she didn’t know in Junior High!  Then she get Alan the job, right?

shelly

Yeh.  Tom thinks Romeo just just wasn’t gay enough for her. 

danny

(Danny throws up his hands) Maybe it’s help his case, but that’s probably it.  There’s nothing much.

shelly

What do you feel guilty for something? That’s stupid, Danny.  Anyway, count on it.  How many months since the blow-up, now?

danny

End of August. 

shelly

What’s two months for Romeo and Juliet?  Love will heal all wounds. 

So how’s Pat doing with your arrangement?

danny

Pat is amazing.  The more his nervous system goes, the spunkier he gets. . .  now that he’s not scared of losing Captain.  And his playing is like always, except the accordion.  They had to get a special rig for that.

shelly

Two months to fizz-day.

danny

Two months.  Thanks for the scoop.

shelly

No problem.

Scene 53.   EXT: Green Derbies Club. Lightly Snowing, 3AM.

Several drunks wander past from Duffy’s.  CRAZY WILLY comes from the other direction, dressed in an old-time (17th century Swedish) St.Nicolas outfit, with furs, and something resembling a felt dunce cap with bells.  He tries the door and checks his watch.  It’s locked.  He lights a cigarette and stands outside, then hears some music from the Irish club next door, and tentatively tries the door.  It’s locked and he meekly knocks.  He takes a last puff at his cigarette, and stomps it out.  Just then, someone he sort of knows comes by.

Drunk stranger

Happy New Years, Pete!  What, they ain’t lettin’ you in?

Hell with that! Santa!

He gets on his cellphone.

drunk stranger, (Cont.)

Hey youze guys, youz got a visitor come trick or treatin!

willy

Thanks, Pal.  Happy New Years.

The door opens.  Willy goes in.

drunk stranger

Any time, Pete!

Scene 54.   INT: Irish-American Club

Guys from different clubs are all at the bar, and around the meeting table.  There’s mummer’s music on.

mcneil

(to Willy) Hey Tony!  You marching with Derbies?

Mcgonagle

(to guy alongside) This is going to pick up around 6 AM, you watch. 

Hey, if it ain’t Rick! Welcome to the Irish Americans!!

Tommy t.

Hey Willy, glad you stopped by.  We don’t usually put on our shit til dawn.

McGonagle

What the fuck’s your name, anyway?

willy

(bashful) Uh. . .  they call me Willy down at Duffy’s.

McNeil

Have you been playin’ with us all this time?

willy

Uh, well. . .

Tommy t.

He don’t tell anybody his name. He’s on the lam, it’s too long, some story I forgot..

willy

Willy will do.

McGonagle

Now I’m glad you could stop by and see the insides of our sacred secret club.

I’m McGonagle.  3rd & Butler.  Tenor sax for Frailinger’s.  That’s McNeil.  Alto with Ferko, and that’s SEAN O’CASEY WILLIAMS, tenor with the R&B Super Doktors.

He points to a wizened African American beyond a crowd of Irishmen at the far end of the room.  SEAN, hearing his name from somewhere, holds up his drink in the general direction of his name.

mcneil

Glad to meet you.

tommy t.

This is Willy, from Duffy’s.  He paid for our costumes this year, and so he’s going to strut as Santa.  The old Shooters always had a Santa you know?

mcgonagle

You’re the guy that won twenty-five grand on the lottery!!?  I heard about that.  Man, if I won that kinda dough I’d never give it to the band!

tommy t.

Yeh, Willy – why the fuck do you always give us half?  Like I almost take it for granted. . .  “Treasurer’s Report --- and 287.50 donation from the Duffy’s Pennsyvania Lottery Association!”

willy

Billie gives me beers on the house.

tommy t.

OK, so I spend a couple hundred bucks a month there, too.  But seventeen grand?  Are you some old-time rich hippy slummin’ in South Philly?

Willy

I got a bunch of old mustangs.  If I sell a couple a year, I’m O.K. to go.

mcgonigle

Mustangs, eh?  Mint, they gotta bring a good penny.  I wish I still had my ’67.

willy

Not that kind of mustang!

(goofing)

Me real name Tontamoosic! Shackamaxon Shawnee!  Pure Red-skin Santa!  We got corner on the mustang market.  Six pure new mustangs bring hundred forty grand net - last year.  I no need white man’s lottery money!!  Just Billie’s free beer !

mcgonagle

You hear that!  It’s Tommyhawk Toosic, Shackamaxon Street!  Glad to meet you!

willy

(lighting up)

Finally seen these digs.  I’ll take a shot’o Turkey unless you happen to have some Old Crow. . . 

Scene 55.   EXT: Green Derbies Club.  6AM

Club-members are coming outside to smoke and check on the snow.

jean

It’s warm enough.  I like it like this!  Just enough to keep all the rest of you drunks awake.

o’rourke

We’re gonna need it.  One screw up passing those instruments back and forth under them damn sequins, up and down and up and down.  Damn kids can never keep it straight. We could end up looking like ass-holes.

chuck

Don’t worry about the kids. . .  you gotta keep watching me like Billie keeps telling you.   We got this worked out, but in the snow, if you get your instrument and you can’t see me, don’t fuckn’ play!  If the judges see us over sixty instruments we’re disqualified!

o’rourke

Nobody’s keeping count anymore.

tommy t.

The fuck they aren’t!  Polish-Americans got disqualified four years ago when some guy’s brother showed up from Milwaukee to march with them, and they never thought of counting.

chuck

That’s the only thing I’m worried about. With our instruments getting passed around, they’re going to be looking. . .

They all go back inside.

Scene 56.   EXT:  Corner of 2nd ST. in  front of Clubs.

CRAZY WILLY is pushing a float with a generator and electric heater for Pat, dressed as the early 17th century Swede Santa Claus from the first Shooter celebrations.

Judy is helping wheel Pat into the center of the giant train.  Meanwhile, he’s tooting around on his sax.

pat

This brass is cold! I’m going to kill my fingers.

He hands her the sax.  Judy breaks down crying as she takes it.

JUDY

I’m praying for you. You know that.

Pat

It’s Saturday, isn’t it?

JUDY

Yeh?

Pat

Don’t worry.  I compose on Saturday.  I only decompose On Sunday.

JUDY:

Oh Pat!!  Why does pain seem to last forever?  (she breaks down)

Pat

No Judy, the question really is, why does forever happen when we're in pain?

JUDY

Ohhh

Pat

I’m fine. One day at a time.  One moment at a time. . . . And ONE INSTRUMENT at a time!!

Scene 57.   EXT, Night: below City Hall, Market St.(as seen on TV), about 4:15 pm.

Frailinger’s is finishing up its show, and marching off. Green Derbies is lining up in place. Shots from street-level cameras alternate as on T.V.

tv announcer

. . .  and there you have it – the Frailinger’s string band, the only band to ever win first place five years in a row, trying to keep Bosco’s from tying that awesome record. 

Everyone giving Frailinger’s captain, , [Frailinger’s real captain], a hand.

Our tenth stringband, The Green Derbies, come into position. Their theme is entitled “Happy New Years’ Philadelphia – A History of the Mummer’s Day Parade.” 

Captain Pat Bennigan is leading the Derbies from inside of a giant captain’s train, a copy of one used by the Fancy Divisions in the 1940’s.  He is accompanied by a Santa representing the oldest mummer traditions in our city, when the Swedes first settled our city. and when the mummers are first mentioned.

If you just tuned in, we’ve told this fantastic story about the Derbies several times to our TV audience.  They switched to this theme in mid-year to let their captain, Pat Bennigan lead them one last time, after he was diagnosed with a rapidly degenerative nervous condition related to Multiple Sclerosis.  As you can see now, he’s leading the band from a wheelchair.  And with that…Pat’s giving the signal --- let’r rip!

Scene 58.   EXT: On Market St.

Shot through the snow of William Penn’s statue atop City Hall, and pan through the falling snow down the heavily ornate structure to the sidewalk, where we see Chuck holding up a walkie-talkie/Nextel.  Willie has being helping to push the float, and is behind it, apparently waiting for his strutting entrance. 

chuck

We’re on!

The band starts.  Pat gives the introductory drums. . .  the trap-set is on wheels, and as Pat is passed a glockenspiel. The trap-set is wheeled back under the train, as the kids raise and lower the long sequin fabric.

As we hear the march, Chuck is carefully watching and signaling players when they have to step out of line to keep down to 60.

Willy’s alarm goes off

Cut to

Willy, behind the float, who pulls out his tickets, and begins to go through his regular routine. . . (beer and all).

Scene 59.   INT: Judge’s Booth, looking out.

We see the judges sitting scratching off items on a checksheet, putting down high numbers.  They seem very excited about the performance.

Scene 60.   EXT: below City Hall, Market St.

Willy scratching off his numbers.

Chuck watching his clock, the march is just finishing. 

chuck

That’s it!  Wrap!

Willy is rubber-banding up his tickets.

The band goes into a drum cadence to exit, at which point Willy struts out and around the front of the band.

Scene 61.   INT: Judge’s Booth.

judge 1

Qualifying points don’t add up. . .

judge 2

No.  Did any of you guys see the Santa?

judge 3

There he is! A minute after their time’s up.  What a shame!

Judge 1

They would’ve ended Bosco’s streak –for sure.

judge 3

That was fantastic.  What a shame!

Scene 62.   INT: Inside Bus

From inside the bus, we see the band members climbing on board.  Julie was one of the first in, and is trying to go back out to find her son.

julie

(putting out a cigarette) Where’s Tommy?

Has anyone seen Tommy?

Jean

Who?

julie

Tommy, my son! 

bass sax (o’rourke)

Isn’t he with all the kids in the train?

julie

He wasn’t with the train. . . . He was along side of us until. . .   shit.. Pine Street? 

jean

I’m sure he’s on the kids’ bus.

julie

I’ve got to find him!

She gets off the bus.

Scene 63.   North Broad St. alongside Masonic Temple.

Buses seen from across the street. View of the Masonic Temple and Julie running around the busses calling for Tommy.

julie

Tommy!  Tommy!  Boy are you going to get it!

Zoom in on Julie as she finds Chuck.

Chuck

Julie, I bet he’s with Romeo’s kids.  I saw him ask somebody who was performing back around Spruce, and it was Bosco’s.  That’s the last I saw of him.

Julie

Little bastard!

Romeo’s got a Nextel. 

Dial 713-884-5612.  Let me talk to him.

julie

Romeo?!   Yeh. . .  it’s Julie.  I love you, too.  I’m sorry.  Yes, yes, I’m sorry!  The whole thing was stupid. . . Pat’s OK.

Listen, Is Tommy up there with you guys?  Chuck thought he might have hooked up with Ricky and Timmy for your show.

Check for me. I’m going crazy.

Scene 64.   EXT: Washington Ave & 2nd St.

A traditional rowdy and drunken “second” New Years’ Day Parade takes place the length of “Two Street,” where most of the mummers clubs are located.  The street is jammed full of ‘tourists’. . . . Distant family and young friends there for the drunken bash which only the ‘in-crowd’ knows of.

Bosco’s bus is unloading, carrying their instruments and props (hospital IV’s) and tuning up again.  Cases of beer are waiting for them at the corner.  Tommy and Ricky and Timmy run out and snitch beers without being seen, and drink them down, making faces at the taste.

We see Romeo get out of a second bus and start looking for his kids, missing them.  They see him and hide, gulping down their beers, and running by to snitch more, still hiding from Romeo as the Bosco band gets in line to march down “Two Street.”  We see him dial on his Nextel

romeo

Julie!  . . . No, I can’t find the brats!  My kids either.  But that means they’re probably into trouble together. . .  don’t worry.  We’re starting up here now.. gotta go.

Cut to

Julie’s son Tommy pulls off an IV bag, and runs behind the crowd up the street

Cut to

Ricky and Tim, Romeo’s boys pull off IV bags and follow Tommy.

Scene 65.   INT: City Hall Corridor, outside Judge’s Booth.

A crowd of club officers from the bands, along with several cub reporters are in the hallway.  Someone has a portable TV watching for the results. The door opens and a lady posts the results on an standard clipboard easel.  Everyone gathers around reading, then start shaking each others’ hands, as we hear the beginning of the results being announced on the TV behind them.

voice 1

Hey-Hey!! Third place!

voice 2

Number 2!  Shit!! Number Two.

voice 3

Disqualified!!!  What’th fuck!!

 

voice 4

Hey move a little, woujja?!

VOICE 5

Frailinger’s! Hey-Hey!

voice 6

He DID it!! Wow..SHEEEit!

 

Scene 66.   EXT: Night, Army Quarters (Iraq)

Pat Jr. is taking off body-armor.  His cell-phone rings.

sgt.

Bennigan!  You know better than a cellph. . . !!

Pat, jr

Hold it, Sarge – it’s the parade!

Yeh!.. I hear ya!  He doesn’t know?!! 

WOWWII!!!   Of COURSE!@ I’ll tell him!  Man – did he look good?. . . 

no no I’ll call him right now!   On Chuck’s phone?  No problem, I got the number.  THANKS Bobby!  Wait ..wait.  How’d the band do?  

Aw shit. 

No I won’t say nuthin.  Like I don’t know yet.  Ok  THANKS Bobby.  Talk to you!!  Yeh,.. I’m out in May.  Talk to you!

Sarge!  Dick, Man!  Dad won!!!  Dad won Best Captain!!!

They embrace.

SGT.

Call your dad!! 

Scene 67.   EXT:  Night, Washington Avenue & 2nd Street

It has stopped snowing. We can see Fralinger’s costumes across the street.  They’re off their busses, drinking and lining up to march. The Derbies are now getting off their busses. 

Chuck

OK Ben, great! (hangs up, and grabs Judy away from Pat’s side)

Judy, Judy!  We’re gonna get THAT call in a second! 

Phone rings with a rendition of “When the Saints Go marching IN”  Chuck gives the phone to Judy.

JUDY

Pat!  It’s mom.  I just heard!  Here’s daddy!

Runs over to Pat.

judy, (Cont.)

Pat. Pat. It’s your son.  He wants to wish you a Happy New Years!

pat

Happy New Year son!  Yeh, I’m alright. 

Yeh, I’m sitting down. . . . . . .Yeh? Yeh?  So?  No!!!. . . .   WHOAH  NO WAY!!! . . . .You BET’chur bottom dollar I will!!!

Scene 68.   EXT: Army Quarters (Iraq)

pat (through the phone)

Judy!  I won!  I won!   Chuck!  I won!

Pat, Jr. is standing there crying, holding his phone out (on speaker-phone) for the rest of the squad to hear.

pat, (Cont.)

Pat, Pat!  I won!

pat, jr.

You’re the man, dad!

ARMY squad

Let’s hear it for the Green Derbies!!

Scene 69.   EXT: Corner on 2 St.

The word is going round that Fralinger’s won, Bosco’s got second, South Philly third, and the Derbies were disqualified, but no one knows what for yet.  The Derbies have lined up, and they are wheeling Pat around front without his train.  Several of the players are standing around with their girlfriends and relatives downing shots and beers, when the news breaks.

O’Rourke

How did those fuckers find out?

thuggy alto sax player

Who the hell was counting?

big clunky drummer

Romeo knew ‘cause Julie told him, that’s how

Alto sax player’s cousin

Who’s Romeo?

Alto sax player’s brother-in-law

We’ll get him for you!  You guys deserved to win for all you did!

thuggy alto sax

Romeo!  Yeh.  Romeo musta known – the fucker – keep us from breaking Bosco’s streak!

alto sax player’s cousin

Bosco’s.  Goddam fuckn Boscos?  We’ll show’m!  They don’t cheat on no Derbies!

Big clunky drummer

Let’s go get Boscos!  Get Romeo!!

Half of the left flank of the band takes off up the street, past Pat, he starts to get up after them.

Pat

Where are you going?  We gotta piece!! (collapses)

Judy and Julie rush up.

pat (CONT)

Oh Judy, I’m tired.  I gotta lay down.

voice

Who knows CPR?!

pat

I don’t need CPR. . . 

Judy, just get me home.  I’m exhausted.  I don’t want to move.

Chuck sees it and is on the phone for emergency help.

julie

Don’t move.  I’ll get a blanket! ( runs off)

Judy

It’s OK!  It’s OK.  Relax, Pat!  We’ll get you home

 

Scene 70.   EXT: 2 St (same night)

Sound of sirens, people making way for the Emergency Medical Van. 

Scene 71.   EXT: 2 St. (moments later)

They are putting Pat on the van in a stretcher.

medic

(to Judy)

You can come in the back.

pat

Whaohph maaa ghap pobb

Scene 72.   EXT: Corner on 2 St.

O’Rourke and his buddies arrive at the rear of Bosco band, who is playing and marching. 

big clunky drummer

Where’s Romeo?!

Alto sax player’s cousin

Up front up front!

Alto sax player’s brother-in-law

Bosco band sucks!!  Cheats!

O’Rourke confronts Romeo.  Bosco’s members start handing off their instruments protecting their captain.  Tommy appears from behind the crowd and aims his ketchup-filled I-V at one of the assailants. 

Cut to

Streams of watered-down ketchup through the air (like arrows in the air)

We hear squawks of instruments, screams and thuds, and see other I.V.s being taken down and instruments getting plastered with ketchup.

Cut to

Someone grabbing Tommy as he runs, an angry hairy fist knocking him out

Cut to

romeo

Tommy!!!!

Romeo ducks a punch and turns to get Tommy’s attacker, and is slugged out.

Cut to

Aerial of the melee.

Cut to

Julie arriving on the scene, dazed tired and wild-eyed. 

Cut to

Julie’s POV.

Tommy in a pool of ‘blood’, Romeo slumped next to him.

julie, O.S.

blood-curdling scream

Scene 73.   EXT, Night: Alleyway alongside US 95

The figure of Julie running, she tries to reach a fire escape, but can’t.

Scene 74.   EXT, Night: Parking lot under US 95

Julie running towards the river under dim street-lamps, and wet blacktop.

Scene 75.   EXT: Abandoned dock on the Delaware River.

Julie squeezing around fencing and running, tripping over snow-covered pallets, slipping precariously, out to the end of the dock, then jumps. . .

Scene 76.   TV Screen (several days later)

sandy santaniello

News with some mixed blessings, here in Phila….

The channel changes to a provocative ad for a cure for ‘flat balls’ (pool cue being handled obscenely, oblong pool balls, shots of hairy legs on mummers wenches).

Scene 77.   INT: Duffy’s Pub, several days later

Everyone laughing – we see Romeo, Billie, Julie, Pat, Shelly, Chuck. .

pat

What a year!  Thanks Billie!  This has been the best!

billie

You can keep your winnings, too.

pat

I’m donating them to research.

chuck

We’re never stop talking about this one!  Julie you ARE crazy!

Willy’s alarm goes off.. . 

Instead of pulling out tickets, Willy switches TV channels to the lottery drawing.  A few moments later Willy is writing down numbers.. 

julie, O.S.

I knew there was a barge down there

romeo, O.S.

Hell you did!  You just wanted to do the whole Juliet thing!

julie, O.S.

What, Romeo and Slick?

Everybody laughs

Willy is been looking through pages of 3-columns of numbers.  He circles a number and slaps down his pencil with a thump. He walks over to the group. 

willy

I’m gonna make some amends for losing the prize for you.  See I invested five thousand of my half into the megamillions, and I just won 24 Million. I only need $24,000 for my life supply of lottery tickets, and I’m giving the rest of it to that Research Foundation for Pat.  So you can keep your prize money. 

Anyway, together this band can make a little dent in thngs, don’cha think?

Scene 78.   Black screen.

Credits begin rolling to the full concert band orchestration of Danny’s march.

Scene 79.   Int: Cluttered inner city grants office, that winter. Credits rolling to Danny’s march.

A postman stops in and leaves the mail in the IN-BOX.  An older overworked well-meaning Admin Assistant sorts through it and opens the odd one. Her face goes numb.  She looks at it again numbly, as her streesed-out boss walks by, and in a daze holds it out to him.  He looks at it and is slowly overwhelmed. Then begins crying. . .  and the assistant’s face turns from numb to a tearful gaze of exhausted hope.

Scene 80.   EXT: Mesas, out West. Final credits rolling

A herd of mustangs through binoculars.

Crazy Willy puts down his binoculars.  He is next to a hummer jeep with two other guys that look like his brothers, studying a geologic map and aerial photos.

Binoculars POV.  A herd of wild mustangs in the distance.

They walk to the back of their vehicle and untie horses, which we hadn’t seen to that point.  As the credits finish, they take off their shirts, put on buckskin vests and feathers, mount the horses, and ride off toward the mesas brandishing lassos and yelping Shawnee war-cries.

Scene 81.   INT: Philadelphia Convention Center

Video footage of 2007 Fancy division “Hoe-Down” (or something with a suitable Americana theme). Scrolling text advertisement with a list of the different Mummers’ festivals, parades and shows in Philadelphia and Atlantic City and a number & website to obtain this year’s schedule.